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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 2:34 pm 
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3rd Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


I took my people to the temple following Ameris' suggestion leaving a small donation I managed to gather by selling few things that I didn't really need.

I met with Charraj and asked him for help regarding the evacuation of my village. As long as I keep his involvement under wraps and take possible repercussions on myself he will help. He suggested I should ask for Dukes permission to bring the refugees here. Hell if I care what some bunch of nobles has to say about that. It would took them few days to settle on a decision and my people do not have that much time. Besides its either more refuges or more undead. Still if I want to avoid Charraj's fate I'll notify the authorities.. Once the time is right. We agreed upon that we will be the last to leave. The points he voiced made me rethink my position on taking Tali with us. If I can make him stay within the lines I could use his scouting skills, the question remains however if he can refrain from being his usual self. I guess I'll have to ask Cara about that.
Nevertheless that leaves the last thing to wrap up and we should be ready to evacuate the rest of my people. Helmites and Hunters should be enough, but after talking to Charraj I feel tad less confident about that. Maybe I should ask Eldarian and Berea for some help too?


***********************************


Bits and pieces

*A couple of sentences written in tight, narrow script*

I thought they knew, but apparently he didn't tell them about his oh so genius idea about leaving. Either the panic stage was temporary or he lacked guts. There is also a possibility that he didn't have Hunters in mind.
Tali said Tegeus was worried, well... He has means to contact me, yet he didn't.
They seem concerned and the questions were asked, but I can't reveal the reasons behind his behavior to them. Not only did I not know all of them but even more importantly it's not my place, not my story to share.

I have a nasty suspicion, a very dark gut feeling that he wants to find Cylla on his own and deal with the matter with no help from anyone.
And that... That will have a disastrous consequences, for both father and daughter.
But I don't think he will listen to me at this point. Not that he ever did much of that either, but trying to explain to him that he is not alone in this mess given the current state of affairs seems... Pointless.
And yet, Sveta had a point, I did commit myself to being his friend so I can't just let him do what he does best. Whether he likes it or not.

_________________
Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:17 pm 
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4th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


Malisha approached me at FAI trying to recruit me into the Phoenix Company, her flattery and fake kindness provided me with a good amount of amusement. I guess their intelligence isn't as detailed as they think it is. Saman confirmed the rumors about him taking over the company after Terri and Sani left.

Later during the day the Blue Boy ran into me asking for Tegeus. They had a discussion the other day that didn't go well - why am I not surprised? - yet Blue wishes to apologize to the Doombringer and and ever more so he wants the Hoarite to become his teacher. His motivation for that however is rather peculiar. Blue openly admitted that he does not like Tegeus and to top this, he also thinks that the priest is wrong. But only learning as many views on justice as he can, Blue will be able to either rethink his own believes or justify his superiority in judgement over the Doombringer's. We talked in length about the Hunters, justice, judgement, retribution and all things related. One came very clear to me, Blue is lost, confused and I do not blame him, those are not simple, one-dimension matters. If guided the right way he should be fine, if not... That anger, or...I'm not yet sure what mixture of emotion exactly he carries, will lead him astray.

I think about organizing a bake sale to gather some donations. At least stress baking would be of some use..


***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Couple of sentences written in tight, narrow script*

I talked with Tali a bit. He doesn't really know what is happening to Tegeus and why nevertheless his view on the matter is similar to mine. We are to support each other. I'm well aware that to reach a certain level of companionship within the group time and trust is needed but sometimes you have to just have some faith. Still one way of another we will have to get involved.

I told him to be ready to act on a very short notice.
Prepare for the worse but hope for the best.

Since I came in contact with the Hunters I watched their dynamics whenever I could. And what Talisen says is true, they need Tegeus. Not only as a sheer, brute, divine force to bring the hammer down but as the one that has enough insight and knowledge to actually guide them.
I haven't seen him since he flipped so I don't know what his current state of mind is. Regardless of it, I told Tali I will handle this and I will.


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Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2015 2:39 pm 
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5th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


I asked the rest of the Everwatch to join my evacuation effort. Rei was tad bit annoyed Sveta hasn't told her about that matter already. We spoke about the details a bit. Later on I asked Commander and Berea for help as well and they agreed to aid me. Eldarian surprised me as the only person recognizing the meaning behind the black of my armor, hooded cloak and ribbons. I'm grateful for that, for the simple words of him knowing what it means instead of jumping into conclusions.

I've never saw a woman drunk before, and before world started crumbling down around me I never would have thought Sveta would got drunk in the first place, or well in her case...slightly drunk. But now, nothing really surprises me anymore. Especially when it comes to both my mentors. She spent an evening with that Allison girl. Gods, I fear a repetition of what happened the last time. But maybe I just don't understand. Maybe there is a place for that wicked, horrid notion of romantic silliness for those that do not serve the gods. And yet she already did broke her usual rule to not drink more than two glasses because of that girl. So for now she proves me right, that this whole romantic love is wrong. There is no room for it in our lives and duty because it makes you weak, can lead you astray. So now I watch them both. Him with sendings, her with staying here.


***********************************


Bits and pieces

*The script is spread chaotically across the page, every letter written down seems almost cut into the paper and connected tightly to her neighbors as if the hand writing them was forcing the words out and at the same time tried to keep them together*

I did what I had to do.
I had little choice. He left me none.

I can feel the pain, fear and guilt tearing me to shreds. Piece by piece, slowly, methodically. I'm afraid to fall asleep, afraid he will break his word. I may have forced him to swear he would not leave but I am not as naive as to think this is over.

I broke him to get him to swear he would not leave.
I didn't want that. I don't want him to stay only for me or for the hunters.
I want him to wish that for himself.
But it will have to do for now.
It better than nothing and he is still alive.

I needed to show him what it feels like to be so powerless... To watch someone you care about going straight into the darkness with very little hope of any chance for surviving it.
I had to do it.

Gods.
It hurt. It still does.
Every step I took north, every word, every second of it, and then seeing him like that.
I tore down his walls by breaking every bone in my body.
And I would do it again without hesitation...
I will probably have to do it many times over till I get him out of that pit he crawled into. And I can't explain it to him well enough why I know with unwavering certainty that it's worth it. That he is worth it.
That he deserves to be fought for.

If anyone asked if it was worth it I would say yes. It was. Because of the tiny, little things I get in exchange, every bit of progress, every fleeting spark of light.
I can endure all this pain, rage, guilt, fear and suffering both physical and emotional because I have faith.
I have hope.
And it is what I must do.

I can taste irony in using his own words right now.




    Leave me in chains
    Strip me of shame
    Caress me with pain
    'Cause I'm down on my knees and I'm begging you please

    Don't cry, mercy
    There's too much pain to come

    Fill me with rage
    And bleed me dry
    And feed me your hate
    In the echoing silence I shiver each time that you say

    Don't cry, mercy
    There's too much pain to come






OOC: Pieces of a song by Hurts //Edited: Grammar spelling tweaks >.>

_________________
Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


Last edited by MedalOfValor on Sun Jun 07, 2015 5:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 5:00 pm 
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6th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


I never expected so many to come but they did. I shared the simple, lacking plan with them in the temple. Gods, I'm no leader no strategist really, but Cara's presence by my side somehow got me through it. I was tired to the point it was difficult to sound anywhere near competent.
If only did I know about the curse. I'd never have asked her to do what it takes. I wonder why didn't she tell me. Why neither of them told me.

We teleported out divided in two groups only to discover the army was close but at least the village was still standing. Aeili started setting up the circle, while the others either were scouting or helping the villagers. In the end I wasn't there to oversee the evacuation. One of the guards told me that Robbie took some people to the graveyard because they wanted to say their goodbyes. I cursed the hells silently, asking Sveta to take over the evacuation while me, Tegeus, Eldarian and Berea left for the graveyard. I found my foolish, but fortunately alive brother there, wounded and with only one guard at his side. He told us of a blond woman that killed the others and left for the tomb. I sent my brother healed and under the effect of sanctuary back to the village while our group decided to go after the blond haired woman. After battling plagued undeads at some point we reached an odd, pulsating crystal that "teleported" - not sure? - us into another part of the crypt were we faced some kind of undead constructs, golems, I am not sure what those creatures were. The blond vampire was with them. When we were about to face her, Cara appeared suddenly, engulfed in darkness. I don't know if she came because I told her in the sending who are we chasing after... And by the same token I didn't know then that her presence empowers the undead. We were defeated by the vampire. Cara left telling us that the surface is swarming with the undead. After brief examination of the coffin in which the blond vampire took interest in we had to teleport out, the tomb was crumbling down.

I found my father in the camp. Wanted to pack him, give him the provisions needed and lead him south. Far from here, and even further from the kids. But he had to be difficult, as always, putting me in the position where I was the monster. Telia intervened then Ameris and it all suddenly turned into a situation where I was being forced to defend my position and reasons, with little success in the end. I was glaring at the former Zhentarim in disbelief. She was asking me if I remembered the Ilmateri dogma stating that if I remove my father she would remove me. How could I not remember? After all these years of enduring... All the pain he brought upon me and the kids. But yes, she thinks me a monster. And there is Ameris asking me to tell him why, offering he would talk to my father. I could feel my blood freeze at that suggestion. I don't want them to know neither the truth if he would ever tell it, which I doubt, or the ugly lies he so liked to spread to cover his tracks. I though... I could be free of that. I was so wrong. After apologizing I left. Telia wants me to make amends to the temple. So be it...


***********************************


Bits and pieces

*A couple of sentences here and there loosely placed on the page*

Cara...
A piece of me clings to the feeling I have about her, my mind however shows me the facts. I need to talk to her, I will not judge before that. And I do still feel I wasn't wrong about her. I hope I am not.

***

The sharessan. Like an ugly, screaming reminder.
***

Turns out that animal, my father Benedict, is still alive to torment me, to make me look like a monster when he no longer can beat me. And yet, despite what Telia may think of me, I would not kill him to be rid of him. I want him gone from my side, far from here - Amn or further south...does not matter - from the the kids whom I at last managed to get out of that pit into the new violence-free life. It's that simple.
I can't have him here to bring me to my knees again. I can't endure anymore pain from him. I earned my freedom.

My father is my biggest failure.
I suffered for them, for him, by his hands, and more, trying to bring him back to us, but I failed and gave up at some point.

Eldarian's offer to help with the matter surprised me greatly. I thought he would be as displeased with my actions as the others were. I am grateful for his kindness. I truly am.


***


I wish I was able to keep that moment from passing.

His words bringing me back, bringing me peace.
I watched him smile, grin at me even as I teased him.
Away from all of this, just for the moment, precious little moment - worth more than I can even describe now - he was not angry, not wrapped in darkness and struggling.

Even if only partially... He was... somehow happy?
As we stood there by the see
*the rest of the sentence is crossed many times over remaining illegible*.

I know it's just a fleeting hint of what can be, but seeing him like this, for once, made me feel..
Safe.
Calm.
But not the usual discipline-motivated calm. The real one.
The soft tranquility I haven't felt in years.


_________________
Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 5:06 pm 
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7th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


After morning prayers I sent the letter to the Dukes. I have hope they will not evict the refugees, question remains if I am to meet any consequences for acting on my own accord without informing them. Time will tell.

I finally had a moment to search through the things Granny wished for me to take with me after her death. To my absolute surprise I found journals there, written by Granny, well the other Granny, I should really start differentiate between them both in writing and speaking. Those journals belong to my great-grandmother, my first mentor. I'm afraid... To look through them, I know, I always somehow knew, she kept a lot from our family and I don't know if I'm ready to learn about her past. For now I look through the family memorabilia slowly.

I visited the refugee camp to meet with Robbie, making sure I would not run into my father. With dombringer's help we teleported my brother back to Daggerford. I hope I could convince him to leave together with Jamie for Waterdeep, but I understand that they both have their duties.

Thinking about what Telia said, I started the preparation for the bake sale. Flicking through the various cookbooks, making lists, cooking and baking somehow keeps my mind off the things I would rather not think about.

Got a letter from Ameris. Refugees were granted a temporary residence permit. Apparently Telia had written to the Dukes before I did.


8th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


I'm proud of him making an effort to reconcile with the Grandmaster and reaching out for peace. Even if I would go differently about it, still he made the first move. I have hope that peace is achievable even if it would take a while to build it, given they are both very prideful and set in their ways.

I had a long talk with Uriel. Thinking of it brings a smile to my face. I wasn't wrong about him. And even with some things yet to learn I can feel it. I wonder where will it take us both, that mutual understanding about few things. He came to Sveta's residence to apologize to her, soon Tegeus came as well. I knew it would be an interesting evening, having both rather difficult men for tea and cake. Once head watchknight arrived Uriel apologized to her then they talked as I was watching them, feeling quite content. The residence comes to life when filled with people that I try to bring together. I didn't however anticipate how many would drop by today. Rei came too, soon falling asleep on the floor, just before Ivan showed up and we carried her to Sveta's bed. Uriel left then, thanking me for the cake, we talked again for the moment.

The questions about the crypt were asked, and I wanted to leave out the part concerning Cara, I didn't want Ivan to grow even more distrustful of her, not till I can ask her my own questions. But as I can omit the truth when the questions are not voiced, I can't lie once they are asked and out in the open.

Then the very ridicule notion was brought up, Ivan – off all people – getting married to a bard. He did not have a slightest grasp about the details of the wedding and I tried really hard to imagine him married and with a bunch of little druid babies running around but I couldn't.


***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Written in shaky hand words run through the page.*

First that walking nightmare, Sharessan, with his outrageous notions. I need to be careful around him, it's so difficult to keep the fear at bay... But it's even harder to keep the rage that he brings in me with his words. And yet I could have expected that from him.

But from Ivan? Really?
I can't even put those words in writing no matter how loudly they scream in my head.
I feel like something hit me in the head with remarkable force, making a small breach in the wall I have built around that part of my memory.
It's not druid's fault really as he couldn't possibly have known what it would do to me and yet I feel the rage boiling.
But nevertheless he took the little precious moment away. The ease that was filling me slowly through the evening.

Him grinning and sharing the unspoken understanding with me.
Uriel coming around.
Sveta sitting with all of them in peace.

He took that away.

I left.
I could no longer be in that confined space with the rage and panic rising rapidly.

I tried to keep my mind from going there, from falling into that... pit.
I ran till I couldn't move anymore, finding myself there again.
How fitting.
I dropped to my knees burying my hands in the wet sand but neither the tears nor the scream came.
It would mean admitting an existence of something I wish to forget.

I need him but at the same time I can't face him right now.
Not like this.
I can't talk about that, I can't even think about that.

Hours later feeling drained after getting the breach sealed I sit and look at the shadows dancing on the cave wall.
I'm ready to go back.


***


The talk I had with Uriel comes back to me, replaying in my head as if I could find more in it. I know he dropped a part of his act, to talk to me, given we share a common goal to help Cara, for which I'm grateful. Not only did he confirm my conjectures about him but also shared something with me. I knew Hunters were wrong then to question him in this way, that's why I didn't want to participate in that, yet still I failed one of many Uriel's test. I can't say it lays easy with me, having failed so much recently, but at least he was honest in that, and I appreciate it.
The musts, needs, shoulds he mentioned, we are both tired of them and yet we continue. The same goes with trust that suffers betrayal many times over. We can't let go, no matter what happens. He can't let go of her, so he stands there on the sidelines with the determination to help her, out of duty and out of the connection he can't get rid off. I hope he realizes that he has ally in me.

_________________
Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Thu Jun 11, 2015 7:30 pm 
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Two homes


*Ellie tilts her head eying Cromis a moment, then her gaze sweeps around the very sparsely furnished space that could only barely pass for a room..*

“You are really sure I can stay here at least from time to time? It won’t bother you? It is better than the barn or temple’s pew few things considered..”

*He wears a faint smile, and nods kindly.* “I am certain, Ellie.” *He chuckles softly.*

*The girl bites at her lower lip in thought before looking back to the man.* “And this gives me an idea… You could do some mentoring and try to beat some knowledge into my thick skull.”

“I would.”

*Eleanor looks to her mentor with a well feigned almost puppy-like expression. He returns it with a soft smile and nods again.* “I’d have to, however, pick up few things from the residence first…”

******************


*Ellie comes back to the residence some time later, knocking on the door and waiting a reasonable time before entering, not wearing her armor, just the simple black tunic. The squire glances around her eyes careful as she looks for her mentor, taking note of any wine bottles and glasses on the table.*

*The table would be absent of a wine bottle, the two drying wine glasses in the kitchen may indicate it has already been set away. In greeting the visitor Sveta takes a few tiresome steps around the corner from her bedroom which at first might be mistaken for drunkenness. However as she stifles a yawn and speaks it is evident it is only her exhaustion making her lethargic* “Eleanor, where is your armor?” *She begins to wake up, straightening her posture there is some concern in her features brought on by the manner the young girl left earlier*

*The girl nods her head politely to Sveta with a small smile.* " I took it off and left it at Doombringer’s house. I'm just dropping by to pick up few things and take a bath. We can eat a quick supper if you want but I won't be staying long."

*While some tension remains at mention of the Hoarite taking note of the smile the Knight’s features ease. Perhaps instead it is the prospect of food that lightens her mood*
“Supper sounds good, but no cake. I’ve had more than enough of that for the month.”

*Eleanor heads for her drawer and reaches for the journal she still places for Head Watchknight to read through. Among other things she picks up writing paraphernalia, a warm thick blanket, a small package that she brought back from Wayfork. Then she moves to the kitchen, looking around in thought. The girl packs some bread, ham, vegetables, cheese and few pieces of carrot cake.*

*The Dame watches the young girl from the table waking herself up further with a glass of water* “Are you planning on traveling Eleanor?”

“No, but I need few things with me so I can work.”

“To work on what exactly?”

“On my elven and history I believe.”


“Where is it you will be going?” *Sveta asks as if already knowing the answer, perhaps hoping otherwise*

“To his house. He promised to teach me some things today.” *Ellie smiles briefly as she speaks*

*Watchknight's eyes narrow some at her words* “Be sure to be home tomorrow night.”

“I’ll do my best.”

*Once the packing is finished, the young squire makes some scrambled eggs and sandwiches for them to eat. She serves the meal together with a black tea then takes her seat.*

"So Alison...?" *Stormy eyes level on her mentor, searchingly.* "Who is she? And will she help drawing the crowd for the bake sale?"

*The Dame’s own eyes are calm although there might be a hint of confusion behind them* “Alison, she’s a bard hailing from the Dalelands. Before arriving at the coast some years ago she was apart of a traveling troupe. She has a good heart. Her name is even up on the shield of honor leading up into the Friendly Arm Inn. I believe she was apart of the efforts that cleansed the Inn from its Bhaalist roots.” *She pauses a moment to take a sip of her tea, her tone remains calm, lacking the idolism the Squire might have feared*

“She with the performers guild here and was the associate director of the theater for some time. Her jester appearance is befitting of her and her performances. The act she put together for the open night on the theme of mistakes was one of the most memorable performance I have seen. I think you would quite like her once you get to know her. We should have her around for dinner one night.”

*The girl nods in agreement, her expression unreadable* “If you wish so, then maybe after Lady Lafayette?”

“I have still yet to hear back from her, it is likely she needed to leave back to Cormyr on duty. I’ll invite Alison next time we meet, making sure of her preferences in foods.” *Sveta’s eyes rest on the girl a few moments as if wishing to speak but holding back, eventually drawing her attention to the food before her.*

*After a meal, Eleanor leaves the dishes for Sveta and goes over to the bathroom from which she emerges after few moments wearing a clean, recently dyed black, tunic, now shoulder-length hair as usual wet, cling to her face.*

"Have a good night Head Watchknight. I will speak to Rei once I have a chance." *She smiles slightly, picking up the things she packed then turns for the door and leaves*

“And you Squre.”
*The Dame watches her leave, the sternness that has seeped into her features preventing her from returning that smile*

******************


*After the girl leaves the building, the Doombringer’s smile fades and his visage grows grim. He moves into the second and last room of the small house and settles himself into an ancient chair, bringing his attention to the book on the desk in front of him. He sighs and forces a smile onto his face, but the result is more mournful than joyous. His hands open the inkpot at the far end of the desk, seize a quill, and begin to write.*

*The young squire comes back after an hour carrying few bundles. She sets them on the floor after entering the semi-abandoned residence. Her usual calm, composed non-expression fades almost instantly as her eyes travel across the room to Tegeus, and the girl grins at him in a sort of an amused and happy way.*

*Turning to look at the door as it opens, he smiles warmly and sets aside his blades and whetstone, rising to greet her.*


“I brought food, obviously, quill and ink, notebook, some blankets and few other things. Oh and the carrot cake!” *The girl announces in a light, relaxed tone of voice, unlike her usual level-flat, polite one.* “Can I take the space on the wooden elevation?” *Ellie gestures to it with a tilt of her head and, seeing no table, places one of the bags on the floor in the middle of the space.*

*The man looks over the entresol and nods.* “If ye favour it, aye of course.”

*Out of habit she cleans the patch of floorboards before any plates filled with some bread, ham, cheese and vegetables find themselves there. Tegeus lowers himself onto to the floor, taking some time to assume a comfortable sitting position. He shows a wan smile and twists to reach for a small bag on the ground behind him. Emptying it on the ground between him and the young girl, a ceramic pot tumbles out. Opening it carefully, he tips it her way to show her the contents, and uses a spoon to slather the sticky honey from the jar onto his bread. After offering his thanks to Eleanor, the Doombringer remains silent through the meal, simply eating his meal slowly and methodically.*

*Ellie eats with her usual rather quick pace, finishing her second supper long before her mentor does. She settles for watching him with a careful, searching look.*

“Where do you think we should start? History? Warfare? Whatever you feel like.”


*The broad man looks up from his food, setting his plate aside, and returns her look with one of his own.* “Well. . .” *He begins softly.* “What would ye like to learn about?”

“Hm..” *The young girl bites on her lower lip in thought* “War goes along with history. So if you don’t mind we can go with that?”

*The teacher nods slowly and leans back, thinking of old tales of glorious victories. A light comes into his clouded, grey eyes and he cants his head.* “I can tell ye the tale of the greatest hero my land has ever known.” *He grins softly and begins his tale in a deep, mesmerizing voice.*

*The grin is returned, and Ellie turns on her belly, wrapping herself in the blanket, chin cradled in both hands*

“Hundreds of years ago, all the Chessic nations were enslaved, servants to the Empire of Unther. Centuries of bickering cities and petty wars distracted the great people of the Chessentan plains, and the Untheric generals took the advantage. . . conquering the land and keeping it under their thumb.”

*Eleanor tilts her head listening intently her expression softens slightly, turning thoughtful.*

“But there was a man who could save them. He was a legend in battle. . . Taking on entire columns with his own blades and felling them all. His leadership was peerless, and his tactics impregnable. His name was Tchazzar.”


*Doombringer's student nods and her forehead narrows while she takes in the information then she rubs her eyes, shifting her position on the blanket*

*His pace quickens noticeably as the excitement of the tale influences the narration.* “He began with Akanax. The most. . .” *Cromis hesitates, his face taken over by the briefest of frowns.* ”. . . militarized of the oppressed nations and the one most willing to take up arms. He roused the commons to his cause, to their own cause, and he began to rally the countries then and there.”


*The young girl shakes her head a bit, torn between exhaustion that finally creeps in, and the interest in the story that is being told.*


“He came to Erebos and shared his vision of a free, unified Chessenta. The king did not believe him, he thought the Tchazzar a radical, destined only to die on Untheric blades.”
*Hoarite sighs and shakes his head in theatrical disappointment. He hushes his voice conspiratorially.* “In the night. . . Tchazzar and his great retinue sneaked over the walls with magical flight. Just twenty men, led by the great liberator, pierced to the heart of the city and slew the king, opening the gates for the army to flood in and capture . . “


*As she can no longer focus on the meaning carried by the words spoken her head drops and rests on her folded hands. She slowly falls asleep to the sound of her mentor’s voice.*

“. . . the city. Erebos was only the first to fall. After it was - "
*Cromis stops as he notices that the girl drifted off to sleep. He chuckles quietly and sighs.* “Good night, Ellie.” *The man pushes himself off from the floor, rising slowly. He steps quietly across the room to his own bedroll and pulls the blanket over himself. *

_________________
Doombringer Tegeus Cromis

Cleric of Hoar and Mentor to Squire Eleanor [Biography] [Theme]

"To live and let live is to die and forgive." [Journal]


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 13, 2015 2:31 pm 
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9th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


Ameris wants to talk with me. I wish I could just avoid him til the situation is dealt with, but I know I can't. That would be rude, disrespectful and unkind. I will talk to him tomorrow.

Sveta showed me a good place for a stall that I can use for the bake sale. She also asked Alison for help with drawing the crowd. Wonder if she would really do it. Time will tell.

I am almost done with unpacking the things that Granny wanted me to take. I didn't know half of it even existed, it evokes mixed emotions and even more mixed memories. I think I will send some of those things to my siblings.


10th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


The talk with Ameris was difficult. The fact that he has changed, Telia has changed and others were able to, does not make it rule. It makes it an exception to it. He shared pieces, so I had to share back, which I really didn't want to, but I was too weak to stand up for myself, say no, walk away without carrying what he would think of me. I'm controlled by others, let them have their way, and every time I fight to have something on my own I feel guilty. How is that fair? Maybe I am not a material for a knight. Maybe I should just give it up and go back to taking care of my family. That's apparently the only thing I am good at.

I caved, letting the Ilmateri have it his way, I don't want to take part in it, as I do not believe that my father deserves kindness and help above all. But in the end for them what I want is wrong and it does not stand right with Gods. Whose Gods I ask, everyone has their take on the dogmas, even the ones we share. And everyone thinks theirs is the right one.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Few notes here and there*

Ivan makes me twitch, so I ignore the druid to the best of my abilities. I don't really know what to say to him, I just keep on remembering what he reminded me about and that's not a thing I'm willing to deal with now.
Alison for the other hand makes me cringe. I don't trust her around Sveta. And I guess I don't trust Sveta around Alison either. That bard is a bad news for Head Watchknight. Why does she always choose them so... fickle and unstable remains a mystery to me.

I guess I'm not at my best to be around people right now. That's probably the reason why it feels so good to have something that is almost like my own space. This feels more like home than the residence ever did.

I can be me here.
I feel safe here.
I don't feel the pressure to be at my best all the time.

He says it will be over soon.

I know he will do what must be done, what his duty requires. What he expects himself to do.

He tells me not to worry or feel guilty if things go wrong. And that he will be careful.
In a way it brings me comfort, even if we both know there is no such thing as no risk. Not in this line of work.

I should get used to that feeling, keeping in mind his ways.
But with the fact that I accept them, that I understand them comes also the ever-standing concern. And I can't just remove it.


***



I detached myself form the situation. Forcibly removed myself from it, so it would no longer affect me. One can only contain so much frustration and anger.
Ameris got what he wanted.
I did what I always do, obeyed.
I did not want him or Rei to know, but I'm polite. Most of the time I'm bound by the expectations, codes, customs.

It makes me rethink my choices.
Maybe I am not destined to become a knight, if I cannot stay on my own path, letting others decide for myself in matters that they should not meddle in, doesn't that mean I am weak? And it does not make much difference if that is Ameris that forces my hand or any other.
I just let them all decide for me.
I should go back to carrying for my family instead of pretending I can be more. Focus on duties I can actually perform.
If I cannot hold my ground when my believes, my life and so on are concerned, whats the point? Why does it always come to taking the extreme measures to make them listen...

The balance is lost again. Not a single once of them cares that there has to be a balance between kindness and harshness, justice and mercy.

Ameris' words come back to me just as Uriel's did not so long ago.


***




Every time I think he couldn't possibly surprise me more, he does.

Watching him when he allows or forces himself, I can't tell sometimes, to be who I always knew he could be brings me peace, dissipates the anger banishing it somewhere for a time-being.
Wanting to believe it's real does not make me blind however.

For now I let myself collect the moments of safety and tranquility, laced with some kind of bittersweet happiness. Just like the honeywine.

The little things when someone makes dinner for you, letting all it be the way it is, without forcing anything, without expectations, without the constant conflict of opinions, beliefs, emotions.
The little things when you are treated with kindness and understanding, offered distractions that work the way they suppose to, giving you time to regroup, heal and gather your strength.
This is what matters in the end.

I have to go back to the residence.
At least for a while.

_________________
Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2015 12:25 am 
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We’re all broken, that’s how the light gets in


*Most evenings are set with afternoon practices, swordplay, readings, occasionally Sveta’s set of lanceboard is set out to practice in with Reine and Eleanor over discussions of tactics. Often Sveta would precursor these evenings with a talk often reminiscent of her sermons. These evenings have been become less of an occurrence with Eleanor leaving the residence. Yet one recent talk over the past tenday went as follows.*

“I have spoken in the past about the inner struggle with ourselves, one that as knights, and divine servants we must face is pride, and haughtiness. It is something myself, in my stubbornness, that I often must fight against. It is not glory we fight for, no. It is a better world.”

*The dame’s eyes close a moment in thought and recollection, the rigid stiffness of her posture beginning to fade* “A year ago now, when I first made my arrival to Nashkel and the Everwatch under the leadership of Wai Li we saw to the defense of a township, Farhills, against ogre, and eventual bandit threats. The township held a festival in our honor, to pride us on our victory and defense of them. I felt guilt in seeing the the farmer’s wave out to us as we made our way to the festival. I do not fight for glory, for the approval nor praise for others, it felt wrong for me to accept such praise. The festival however, while we were thanked we were not set upon show, we were accepted as a part of the community. It was a humbling experience to be grounded and share laughter with those we fight for.” *Her eyes turn downward, a smile forming in thought* “I still remember the smile of the young girl Nancy as I made a fool of myself in the apple bob and taught her the knack to it. I carried her with me long after that day in my heart, my inspiration to fight on. She reminded me of my early childhood, she had lost her father as well.” *The smile fades* “I never did have the opportunity to visit and deliver the book of poetry to her that I had promised myself to.”

*A tone of seriousness returns as the knight straightens her posture* “We must, as knights and divine servants, remain humble so that our judgement remains unbiased and just. Too often it is within the coast that divisions are formed by pride and misjudgement stemmed by half truths and deceitful rumors. These division only exist because we allow them to.”

“That being said we should not resent ourselves for our failings. Humility is not valuing less of yourself, it is recognizing the value in others. Being humble does not mean forsaking the comforts of a mattress bed.” *She seems to be speaking directly at Reine at that* “It is the respect we have in others. As knights we must have confidence, and courage in our duty. It is when pride corrupts that into arrogance that we must be weary of. We are human and in that despite our blessings, we are still susceptible to our sins.”

“All three of us, we have each dealt with anger, frustrations. We have known loss, known suffering, defeat, struggle. The most noble hearted people I have known are the ones who have faced these and risen above them. Good men do not simply happen, they are made.”

_________________
Doctor Halsey Hayes
Sveta Asperan - Layana Greyfox


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2015 1:28 pm 
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11-12th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


The residence comes to life once more when people come over for dinner. I sit in silence, observing, forcing good table manners. I don't really feel comfortable enough to take part in the dinner conversations. Head Watchknight did her best to try and recruit the Tyrran into Everwatch.

Having a chance to leave the confinements of the city was a good choice, no matter the exhaustion that came later.
Corvus is back, I hope it means, we can get back to the plague spitters matter now.


13th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


Reading up about Jergal and Myrkul, trying to understand something I think I'm missing. I know it is close to impossible to actually persuade Cara to explain this to me, so maybe this way I will somehow understand. With all the little pieces of information I'm still feeling lost, and besides all that I have gathered so far is from other sources.

I wish I could talk to Uriel right now.

Why is it always ending like this? Pointless discussion about even more pointless things. I don't want to listen to this anymore. I retreat to the temple.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Few notes here and there*

Wicked druidic notions. Gods, the hells is wrong with those druids? They always come up with something so insanely twisted...

Thinking it over and over again I decided that instead of dismissing the issue, I should ask Sveta why those damned bardesses... Maybe I can gently show her the right path.


***


Vows, oaths. Do they really matter?
Why should I vow something that I live by everyday? I don't need to vow loyalty as it is something that is a part of me, has been and will be. I don't need to vow sincerity as I do not lie, thinking it's wrong.
I pledged myself to the Gods', so why should I swear on every ideal I hold dear? It won't change anything in me. It won't suddenly make it harder to follow.
Duty is something that is imprinted into the very core of my soul.


***


I'm tired of fighting.
I'm tired of trying to explain my point of view and watching it being dismissed and classified as wrong.
I should not take part in those unproductive, idle discussions especially when people just can't agree to disagree. Am I not allowed to have my own take one things? Is it that wrong to have a different one from the others? As if my view was something evil that they have to cleanse.

Romantic love, a wicked, dark thing. A lie. An illusion. A play for power. A tool to manipulate and control.
I see a difference between family bonds, companionship, friendship and the love it evokes and that dark, ugly romantic mess. Existing only to bring pain, loss, confusion and so on.
He tries to convince me that I am wrong, but am I really? Looking around I feel I am not.
Sveta and her silly affections for bardesses, which are never reciprocated.
Ameris and Telia, the never ending struggle, a way to keep darkness at bay.
Eldarian and Berea, never really saw them happy either, but maybe they are, hard to tell..

And there is Cara, Talisen and Uriel. Cara's play for Talisen with the use of Uriel. Triangle of lies.
And above all my parents.

Even as I let myself make room for understanding their perspective, they fail to do the same.
And besides that matter will never concern me anyways, I am sworn to serve the Gods, not to play with some silly, temporary, wicked fascinations.

He corners me, and he should know by now that I do not respond well to being pushed over the edge.

And then he says what he should have not said. It should have stayed hidden in the little things.
Sometimes I can't understand how it is even possible that he can push me so far over the edge one day, when the other he brings me peace and the reminder of how safety feels.

Hours later, when the anger is washed out by calm and my back are stiff from sitting motionless in the temple's pew I can only hope he will fight even harder for her.

Their words make me doubt myself.
I should make up my mind.


    Excuse me for a while
    While I’m wide-eyed
    And I’m so down, caught in the middle
    I’ve excused you for a while
    While I’m wide-eyed
    And I’m so damn caught in the middle

    Yeah, I might seem so strong
    Yeah, I might speak so long
    I've never been so wrong
    Yeah, I might seem so strong
    Yeah, I might speak so long
    I've never been so wrong

    Excuse me for a while,
    Turn a blind eye
    With a stare caught right in the middle
    Have you wondered for a while
    I have a feeling deep down
    You’re caught in the middle?





OOC: Pieces of a song by London Grammar

_________________
Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2015 9:51 am 
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14th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


Decisions were made or at least directions were chosen where some of the matters were concerned. I still am not sure where some things will lead as my perception has been shifting a lot since I came to the city. I talked with both of my teachers and I feel the progress has been made. One step towards balance.

Once Rei joined us at the residence we all went to the area for some sparring sessions. Tyrran joined us, and I met a new recruit to the Everwatch. I lost all three duels. Rei lost against the Tyrran.

I spoke with Uriel, and I would probably had more time if it wasn't for that planned trip into the mountains where the Fire Giants live.
We faced many Balors then, I hid myself under sanctuary trying to find and help the others. I also saw Rhiannon again. Doombringer thinks she waits for the right moment to inhabit my body. Sveta is however not convinced about that.

After two long hours at the temple I went home.


15th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate

Still can't bring myself to look from my greatgranny's journals. The world has been spreading in so many direction as of late that I guess I'm clinging to something – that in my mind – is a constant.

What doombringer said about taking the oaths for the others, as a declaration that I want to be a part of their world got me thinking. What that world really means to me? What does it really means in general.

Have been thinking a lot about what Uriel told me, making a plan for how should I proceed. Loose guidelines given I rely mostly on the things I notice once actually in the middle of the situation. In a way that is what motivated to prepare this little little thing for Cara. What Uriel said strengthened my own resolve, he had seen her then, and I still see bits and pieces of that image now.


***********************************


Bits and pieces



The poem about Rhiannon and Meriesa. Some things make sense, others even less than before.
I don't want to believe that the hammer girl, former servant of Tyr, only waits for the right moment to take over my body.
There is only one possibility that would make it less terrible, but I don't even now if such things are possible.
I need to speak to Rhiannon.
And I guess I should talk to Aeili after all, but first I'm going with this to Cara.

Who would have thought that in the end he would be more protective than Sveta. He thinks me a child when it comes to facing dangerous situations. I may never be as strong as he or Sveta are but neither am I a weakling.
It's a peculiar sight to see him worried so much. It's been a long time since anyone cared to that extent for me, so in a way it feels unreal. On some level I somehow expect it to disappear if I let myself think too much about it or for that matter get used to it.
I was always the one that cared. I was the shield and the protector.

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✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 3:17 pm 
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16-18th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


Surprised by how well the talk with Cara went I found myself enjoying it really. I needed to hear it from her, to have a picture more full, not finished or something like that, but more real in a way. They think me a fool for trusting her, but it's not really that I trust her, I am willing to put the trust there for her to take. If she uses me, like they say she does, then I will know. People can only really be used when they are unaware of the possibility, the process and the actual action. I know of her past, her affiliations, her past and preset faith. It won't change my view of her til she does something that could change it. And besides, I enjoy her company, the cold, calculative, pragmatism and the deep devotion to the service she must perform. On the contrary to all the others she never tried to force her opinions on me, furthermore everyone deserves some degree of normalcy.

After leaving Cara I found Uriel at the residence talking with Head Watchknight. I got used to others dropping by, but seeing him there was a surprise, a nice one however.

Had a talk with Corvus about the hive and what he learnt from Ivan. Once could foresee that kind of turn in the matters I suppose, that leaves us with taking care of the spiders that still roam the coast.


19-23th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate

Ivan tried to make me talk about what Cara had told me. I left him with nothing which lead to him saying a lot about Cara, in order to put my view on her in perspective. Most of what he mentioned I already had known. All things considered I stand where I used to on this matter.

The bake sale went more or less smoothly, despite someone from a group called Coven of Darkness dropping by and donating quite a lot of coins.

After that I took off with Tali and Corvus to take down a plague spitter the druid had found. An elf and a hin girl were accompanying us. After killing the spider we split into groups to cover more ground in attempt of searching for some clues. During that time Corvus met some dwarf that was in possession of the stone, Cara told me about.

Preparation for the trip to Waterdeep are taking more time than I have anticipated, but given the amount of things I have to go through, and then decide which of them I'm going to take with me to give to the kids, I shouldn't be that surprised. Nevertheless I'm leaving soon.

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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 2:30 pm 
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24th Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate


Something feels not right but I can't put my finger on it really to be able to say precisely what that something is. Maybe it is just my tired mind playing tricks on me.
I'm almost ready to leave for Waterdeep, once I get a hold of the Doombringer we should teleport to the hill we traveled last time. Timing for this trip is not exactly best but one can't control things like that I suppose.


25th-28th Kythorn 1351, Waterdeep

The last three days have been busy, filled with family quality time, discussions, joy, quarrels, dinners and so on.
I watch my siblings slowly adjust to the enormous change they have gone through. Twins seem to have eased into that pretty nicely, busy with new responsibilities, studies, training and work.
Have it not been for my visit Martha wouldn't leave her books and new study friends.
Kat, Adam and Chrissy however seem to have some difficulties with the way their life and everything changed after moving here. In all honesty Kat was always a little bit wild, as for the small ones, they are still just little kids, so it doesn't really surprise me as much, they are also one of the main reasons for my visit.
Still, Sveta's family has been enormous help and they have done their best to make the transition as smooth as it has been humanly possible. I will always be in debt to them for all their help, support and kindness.


***********************************


Two families in Waterdeep


*Judging from the clatter coming out of the kitchen the dinner time should be close. The table in the dining room has been already set for nine people, two kinds of bread lay in the baskets, bowls filled with seasonal fruit also can be found. Two feminine voices once belonging to the Lady of the house, the other to a young squire can be heard. Both women clearly busy with preparing dinner with their backs slightly bended over the kitchen counter.*

*The lines of wrinkles beginning to form on Aimee’s cheeks crease as she smiles watching the young woman help her in the kitchen*
“Sveta wrote of your cooking. She even went on to say she would have trouble living without it.” *She speaks as she pours the onion soup into the toast lined casserole dish* “She never did take to my teachings in the kitchen and around the house. I think now, on her own she’s finding the true value that she thought they lacked.” *She pauses for a moment, sprinkling cheese over the dish* “Why don’t you join your siblings Elly, you won’t have long to see them. I’ll be fine to finish up here myself.”

“That is the least I can do”
*Ellie smiles softly, chopping the vedgetableswith swift precise movements* “And besides… It makes me feel a little bit more at ease.”

*Aimee watches the young squire a short moment, a gentle smile forming*
"Thomas takes a lot after you know, always more at ease with his hands busy. He'll make quite the swordsman too, taking up training with Ethan." *A concerned frown returns in thought* "I had to give Ethan a telling off last week when the pair came home, Thomas with a split lip." *She sighs slightly moving over to the windowsill* "Boys will be boys. Emily has been keeping herself busy too. Julian was able to get her in touch with an old friend in the Jeweler’s guild who was in need of an assistant. It’s taking her a while to get adjusted, but she seems genuinely interested in the job, more than the money.” *Aimee looks away from Elly and out of the window*

*The girl glances up from the plate on which she gathered chopped vegetables* “I’m glad that she has found something to be interested in. As for Thomas” *Ellie shakes her head with a smile* “He was always more into being a guardian than Jamie so some healthy competition in Ethan will only strengthen his character and well I suppose that given that twins are both fifteen and strong minded helped them with settling in. I’m glad however that their schedules are so filled, that surely helps with keeping them in check.” *She chuckles dryly*

*The chuckle is met with a warm smile* “The first week was the hardest for them, but after the remnants of sickness passed they’re seeming to be fitting in well. Kat on the other hand…”

“She was always a little bit wild…” *Eleanor admits with a sigh, a brief frown shows in the lines on her forehead only to disappear quickly replaced by her usual calm, composed expression.* “I hope she is not causing too much trouble?”

“I’ve had to talk to her, and her teachers about her. Out of all of them she’s been having the most trouble adjusting. It may be that the boarding school is not the right place for her, but if she keeps going as she is she’ll have trouble getting into anywhere else.” *Aimee leans against the windowsill, with a motherly concerned look as she watches Elly take over the kitchen from her*

“I will talk to her. I believe that is just a temporary thing, a way she copes with the change.” *The young squire shrugs lightly, stirring a stew while her eyes dart to the slowly boiling soup.* “I can relate to the feeling she is experiencing so I may be able to help a bit.”

“Hopefully you’ll have a better time reaching her than I. I know well from experience that teenagers can be stubborn but being that I’m not of her blood has given her a bit of resentment towards me when I try to help her.” *Aimee's hands rest by her waist on the windowsill* “Martha fortunately seems to be doing well, the teacher even praised her when I had to see him about Kat. She apparently has fit right in from the beginning and even organized a study group that has been receiving a lot of praise from the teachers.”

“Oh really? Martha?” *Eleanor blinks, the surprise showing in her eyes* “I never have thought that she would turned up such a book worm. But I’m glad she did. This family certainly lacks educated women in its midst.”

“She is taking to it well, I’ve been bringing her books home from the Plinth. The history of the gods are a particular interest of hers. I had hoped she would be a stable influence for the four at the boarding school, but perhaps seeing Kat as she is has had an effect on Adam and Chrisse.” *The older woman looks off towards the door leading to the dining room* “I have trouble reaching through to her, she has a small interest in painting, but getting her to talk about anything seems an effort. Adam on the other hand is proving to be more of a troublemaker than Sveta’s elder brother was.”

“We knew it would happen..” *The young squire sighs deeply, concern laced with something much like guilt forming on her features* “They both are still just a little kids. Adam’s misbehaviour, playing tricks and rebellion is still worrying me less than Christina’s growing detachment. And I know how much of that is my fault… Leaving them…” *the usually level, clear tones in her voice are there no longer, the words come out sounding flat and hollow.* “Adam’s temper tantrums, anger, diffident behavior and defiance is I suppose caused by him feeling abandoned. Her social regression, never-ending silence and the intermittent incidents where she does not react to anyone or anything are caused by the same thing.”

*A sympathetic smile that holds a motherly warmth forms on Aimee’s face watching Elly* “Don’t blame this circumstance on yourself. You care a lot for them, and did what you believed was best for them. I could tell it would be difficult for the younger ones, which is why I wanted to have them here. Maybe once the twins get settled into their new lives Adam and Chrisse will be able to take over their room here.” *She finally rises from her lean to check on the soup* “But we can talk about that later, it won’t be long till they’re back.”

“I will try to help them with coming to terms with everything as much as I can in my time here. Would appreciate your advice.” *Elanor smile wanly to Aimee, bobbing her head slightly, before shifting her attention to the almost ready meals.*

***********************************


Thoughts


29th-31th Kythorn 1351, Waterdeep

Sveta’s stepfather, Julian, took me, Kat and the kids for a small field trip. Twins stayed behind both busy with their duties and Marta had some kind of school project to finish so she politely declined although I could see how much the child in her wanted to go. I don’t know why but it was always somehow easy for me to overlook the fact that she is only a little bit over a year older than Adam, yet she was always much more mature in some aspects

As for the trip it was a pleasure to see that problematic trio leaving all the troubles behind. I watched and participated in few games, had the opportunity to hear Kat recite a poem she had read at school. I may not posses any knowledge, eye or taste for the art but from the thoughtful expressions and silence her little performance brought I think I can safely assume she has some little talent in that.
When Chrissy and Adam fell asleep on the blanked, tired from the climb and few hours of playing and Kat ventured a little towards the edge of the mountain with look in her eyes that I had seen before I decided that it’s the best moment to talk with Julian. We spent almost two hours debating different aspect of the faith, dogma and takes on justice and even some military doctrines when it comes to ground combat. I wished for a moment that Reine would be here, to help me out with following his train of thought.

Julian, as expected from a Tyrran, promised also to take me to the Halls of Justice for the celebration during the Ritual of Seeing Justice and offered to point me into the direction of few books I should read as Triad’s follower and especially given my tutorship under a hoarite.

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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2015 4:47 pm 
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1st-4th Flamerule 1351, Waterdeep


Have it not been for the kids, I would probably spend my whole days in the Halls of Justice, reading, talking, absorbing. There is so much I need to learn, so much I must learn. Julian took me there so I could witness the Ritual of Seeing Justice. I don't think I have ever before experience anything like that. The magnitude of emotions that I felt sweeping over me.. The feeling of being a part of something.
It was something beyond my comprehension at this point.

Days pass quickly but not quickly enough for me to not to notice the silence. I push the worry away, focusing on the kids, smoothing the wrinkles on the fabric of their emotions. I think that at the end of summer I will place Kat, if she passes the trials in the Bardic College.

The little moments of comfort, unexpected, found where she takes when she puts that little hand in mine. I see so much in her behind that silence and pray that one day, the world will see it to. That she will allow others to see it. My little Christina, my little bird in the blizzard.

I talk a lot with Aimee, things regarding the kids and other matters.. Matters that Sveta tried to teach me about but was never good at. Her mother somehow manages to get trough to me where my attire, hair and all are considered.

When it is possible I also spent time with Julian. We discuss different topics or spar with each other. Discipline. Focus. Control.
It brings memories. In a way that makes the silence even more irritable.


5th-9th Flamerule 1351, Waterdeep

The silence bites at that one place in my mind that I can no longer ignore. I need to make arrangements that will help me get back to the gate.

I prepare them for my departure gently. It won't be easy but I hope this time it will at least be different. Each of them were given a piece of the memorabilia Granny left behind.

Griffon rides. An idea that Sveta's stepfather came up with turned out as a great adventure. At which point I realized that in a small, yet significant, way for a moment I was a part of this family. Not as the provider, the defender, the savoir. Just a member.

I leave tomorrow. Found a ship I could afford that will take me to the Gate.

I don't like this tight, cramped space filled with strangers, noises and seasick people. I focus on the reading.



***********************************


Bits and pieces



Packing the little tokens of the past I managed to bring myself to pack one of great-grannys journals. It's time.

***

In the begining I haven't really noticed. But with each passing day that odd feeling started becoming more clear, more obvious. The shift was... subtle at first but now I feel the threads pulling gently. Is it the lingering turmoil or something elses causing me to worry without a real, solid reason? Right now I'm too far from home to be sure, but the growing distance, the silence... Somehow made me.. anxious.

***

I think that it is the first time I have ever had a chance to observe a different, closer to normal, family from up close. I think a lot about what Sveta's childhood must have looked like, such a contrast to mine.
Her mother reminds me at time of granny maybe even a little bit of my own mother, Head Watchknight's stepfather on the other hand is like a coin, at home he is an entirely different man than the one whose face he wears outside of the walls of the residence, when his duty peers through the facade. I can see that strength of personality that kept Sveta in check and under a thumb for a while.

At times I feel torn between staying here and taking care of my family, having in mind how much some of them struggle with that change. I am to blame for their suffering as well as the fact of securing their future for now. It's difficult to find balance in the vehement current of emotions and contradictory thoughts all this evokes.

***

Kat despite her defiant nature can be incredibly... Incisive when it comes to her ways of understanding the world and then sharing that outcome. She must have picked up the nickname I gave Chrissy without me actually calling her that openly. I found this among her sketches

She also gave me a poem, one of those she managed to find while going through the books. I find it disturbing and I am more than sure neither she nor I truly understand what this poem is about.


    Spiritual Dawn

    When debauchees are roused by the white, rosy dawn,
    Escorted by the Ideal which gnaws at their hearts
    Through the action of a mysterious, vengeful law,
    In the somnolent brute an Angel awakens.

    The inaccessible blue of Spiritual Heavens,
    For the man thrown to earth who suffers and still dreams,
    Opens and yawns with the lure of the abyss.
    Thus, dear Goddess, Being, lucid and pure,

    Over the smoking ruins of stupid orgies,
    Your memory, clearer, more rosy, more charming,
    Hovers incessantly before my widened eyes.

    The sunlight has darkened the flame of the candles;
    Thus, ever triumphant, resplendent soul!
    Your phantom is like the immortal sun!


***

On my way home. The silence, so unexpected, so misplaced... Forcing me to escape into the routine of silence, discipline and control. So new and yet not so new at all. I have been doing it for years, now however I received a proper training to be able to use it more... Efficiently. And so I do.
I keep my calm, expressionless mask in place. Focusing on other aspects. Controlling what I can, and what I cannot simply forcing down. For now.



OOC: Poem by (in)famous Charles Baudelaire's from Fleurs du mal (Flowers of Evil).

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Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 25, 2015 1:13 pm 
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10th-12th Flamerule 1351, Baldur's Gate


Sailing on a low budget is tiring. I have to remember to avoid this rather dull activity if possible.
The moment I came back I got pulled into things rather quickly. Meeting another Hunter's member named Cranston resulted in a drow hunt side by side with Kory, Cranston and Belladona. Had it not been for a bronze dragon we would probably ended up as dead meat.. It appears the ranger has a peculiar friend of a dragon with an even more odd sense of humor.

The issue with the Talonite cultist Corvus faced after our last spider hunt forced our hands and so we tried to track them down. Our small group containing of Talisen, Kory, Cara, Corvus and Alika managed to find the dwarf, surrounded by cultists and undead in the middle of some kind of ritual. The ritual was close to its peak, the victim's life forces slowly draining from them acted supposedly as a catalyst for cleric's transformation into the Angel of Decay. Despite our efforts we couldn't interrupt it.
Is that the power of the pieces of that damned stone? How many more of those creatures will rise in the coming days? Thinking about all this brings grim thoughts to me and combined with Sveta's revelations I can't help but..
*the rest of the sentence has been crossed out over and over again.*

And there it is Kory's dragon hunt. In company of Terri, Sani and the new Hunter's associate Vincent we found ourselves in the somehow derelict and devastated - when she had been there last time - library protected by a ghost bound to the place. She helped Kory read a book his mother left, but she also mentioned Velika. The moment she spoke the name I knew there will be more and I wasn't wrong. I need to speak to Cara.

13th-15th Flamerule 1351, Baldur's Gate


Given that we have a new addition to the Hunters I took him for a training session, I suppose giants are as good target practice as any for a mage and as long as I keep them away from him the squishy man can manage.

My studies and greatgranny's journals keep me busy, enough to overlook – at least for a moment – the change.

Prepared a small thing for Cara I should go and look for her at the altar.

There is also an upcoming meeting of the Everwatch, which could a good opportunity to pin point few things and maybe even make some valid suggestions. Or at least speak my mind.


16th Flamerule 1351, Baldur's Gate


Following the path that Kory tries to go due to the fact that we should stick together as a group but also due to the path's connection to Velika I spent all too many hours going through possible connections. The one, most vivid, most terrifying in its implications wouldn't let my mind alone. I passed the question – or carefully wrapped suggestion if anything – to Vincent while we sat with the Lich.
Terri, the former or whatever Phoenix leader may think that we only gave the information, not receiving anything in return but she couldn't be more wrong.

During the trip through the high forest to the tower mentioned in Kory's mother book I kept a close eye on the two captives we had rescued partially by chance after landing in Daggerfort harbor. The two girls were later safely returned to the Gates in the company of all those following Kory.

I must talk to Cara about Velika and her doings.


17th-19th Flamerule 1351, Baldur's Gate


Since coming back I keep dividing my time between personal matters of each respective Hunter's members. This time it was Arakes who needed us to help him with something from his past. It all came down to a corrupted, traitorous Fist Captain that years ago manhandled Arakes and without fair trial sentenced him unjustly. As everything, especially where personal vendettas are concerned, I took it with a solid grain of salt. My interest peeked however once a certain connection between Captain Jalu and Virtuous Soil occurred to me. Using the little connections and diplomacy I convinced Captain Beluarion to let me talk to the female prisoner, that was caught during suicide-kobold-bombings the day before. When it was uncovered that the prisoner was relocated under Captains Jalu orders, at this point my head was filled with surmisals, we decided to follow up on that. And as we thought Captain Jalu took his associate and fled. Arakes tracked the pair down and we caught them in the act while they were rallying numerous groups of kobolds armed with explosives. A fight broke off when an attempt in apprehending was made and I was unable to stop driven by rage Arakes from killing Jalu. The woman luckily surprised and later provided me with a little insight about the extremists movement. Finding a letter form Lady Vernosa and the seal of her house among deceased Captain's things only provided further proof. I attempted to rise Jalu, but failed. The female captive was taken back to the Fist compound where I reported directly to Captain Beluarion.

The "Devastation of Waterdeep tome VII" spoke of the prophecy happening in the 1351RD just like the Lich said, reading through the book I couldn't shake a feeling of parallel. We decided to deliver the book back to the Librarian. Once there the ghostly entity asked as for help in relieving her from her duties, given Sani destroyed the library almost entirely which left little for its keeper to take care of. She asked us to retrieve a blade that would act as a vessel for her essence for Koraxxes to deal with it later. She also allowed me to take Velika's black box containing the shard asking for me to deliver it to the vampiress. At that moment I didn't have time to explain to the Librarian what I think Velika was up to. After we found the blade and the spirit possessed it – and by extension also Vincent – the Library started to crumble. Once outside we noticed that previously dormant portal came to life. If only did I know then what I know now... We thought it would take us to Koraxxes and we were wrong, ending up in Velika's domain. Her coven and servants did not harm us and she herself asked for the box stating that any defiance will be met with swift action that would mean our death. Another vampire at her side, Mavlon, surprisingly managed to free the Librarian from the sword confinement. I couldn't just hand over the box to the vampire, knowing what she is intending to do with it so I stalled, pulling at the threads to make her talk. And I have to admit, I have not expected this kind of turnover. Things were put in a perspective I have never even considered. And so I ended up handing the box over – as I ever really had any choice to begin with – but at the same time I got the relic blade. Her whispered words still in my head. Her servants fighting with kobolds in the tunnels on our way back ignored us entirely. So many undead do not paying any attention to us.

Things are getting more and more complicated. And now having retrieved another excerpt of talonite's writings I find myself seated in front of both originals and copies trying to piece things together. There is also the prophecy, and the key phrase about the cursed one. The few reasonable conclusions my mind seems to drift towards are terrifying. I need to meet with Cara, but she hasn't responded to my sendinds yet.

I've noticed that I have been ending each entry recently with the same sentence..


20th-24th Flamerule 1351, Baldur's Gate


Due to the whole business with the Librarian and then later the coven of vampires I missed the Everwatch meeting.

Days go by I sort through books and sources. At some point turning to that old woman, Griselda. Together with Kory and Corvus we track down Flies and find the message to Brann. Will have to make a decision soon, what to do about that.

Then there is the missive from Berea. Things are gaining momentum and it's not on our side.

There is an Everwatch patrol tomorrow, I suppose a distraction as good as any.


***********************************


Bits and pieces


I look around that empty space and I can't bring myself to change a single thing there. Not that there is much to change, given there is barely a trace of what once was...
It still feels alien.
Have I grown so dependable on this single variable in the equation that I can't seem to
*the rest of the sentence has been scratched over and over to the point when it's no longer illegible*
***

Velika.
I don't know any more.
I know what my code expects me to do but recently things have been as far from the usual status quo in the world I had known as it is possible. Lines not only have long past blurred beyond my capability of making them out. I do what feels right but it may no longer be what would others considered right without actually being put in the situation themselves.
I look at the blade wondering what demon she had in mind.
Thinking about the peculiar feeling she left me with.

And there is Koraxxes with his really disturbing invitations to dinner. I wonder what the Lich is planning. And in all honesty seeing the way he arranged it I can't stop myself from smirking.

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Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 12:49 pm 
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25th-27h Flamerule 1351, Baldur's Gate


I wasn't surprised to see that none of the orders or elves attended Koraxxes' dinner. Or should I say the trio's dinner. The three of them Velika, Ysmrylda and Koraxxes share history from the Netherese age and despite the fact that every single one of them is an undead of sort doesn't really stand out that much in the whole picture. They all want to stand against the Arcanists so I believe we should at least listen to them. Not that we have much of a choice in anything given the current state of affairs. The gate and all the factions can't stand alone against the Liches and the Blight, not to mention Virtuous Soil.

Terri asked me some very inappropriate question... I think it partially made me change my mind and instead of going with Vincent to the dinner I chose to go with Bath. She remains me a lot of my sister Kat. That wild nature of hers.

Velika spoke of her plan against the Arcanists and the gems she needs. Locations of the two of them are somehow already known which still doesn't make it any easier in regard of obtaining. One is a dragon, the other is supposedly locked in Azukyl's domain in the Claudpeeks. I hope the divide in task will hold as well the cooperation. That leaves one thing. Darkhold and its army - as possibility suggested by Selengil. I need to think about it some more, make some inquiries. And there are the missives to be drafted about the meeting. At least all this is keeping me busy, away from a certain current of thought.


28th-29h Flamerule 1351, Baldur's Gate


The implications of the meeting, efforts to build a case for investigation regarding VS, attempts to figure out what to do with the upcoming meeting between the Flies and Brann – Angel of Decay and to top that... Thinking about that whole proposition from Selegil by putting it into a wide perspective. All this occupied me well enough that I forgot to draft the missives. I really should get on that right away, the thing is *the rest of the sentence has been crossed out over and over again.*

No one showed up at the last two Everwatch patrols. I missed the meeting so I am also at fault. It's hard to get Hunter's to focus on things as well, if it wasn't for the great red wyrm hunt I'd have to assume something I'd rather not think about. There is a short meeting coming that should turn into a patrol a swell I hope it actually happens.

I'm still reading through the tomes I brought back from Waterdeep. I suppose I'll ask for some other ones next time I happen to visit the Halls of Justice. In addition I find that discipline exercise routine quite helpful right now.


***********************************


Bits and pieces


The thing is that with the shift happening... Who am I kidding, it is no longer a shift it's a crack that runs through the ceiling of my world creating a huge opening. It's like scales falling off my eyes. Can I really manage to gather the factions even if using Sveta's name? Will they listen? Will they even come? Especially when I did nothing to help with the spiders as of late? I wasn't there when they located the brood mother or when they faced it. After that one mission in the reaching woods, after that one remarkable fail I was no longer able to contribute. That is the reason I retreated into other aspects of that and now? Now I am caught up between bad, worse and the worst options that could have ever been proposed openly to all the good and neutral factions.

***

It has been over a month now. Should I give it another one before my mind goes into the darkest of possibilities?
I barely go over there anymore. It's like scratching an insect bite.
I try to be a good enough supplement, because I know I would never be able to be a replacement – not that I want – but this is not going the way I wanted it to go.

Learning by experience that helps us draw conclusions. is something much more than what I had thought it was before I came to the Gate. Being put into an entirely different situation that forces me to rethink and revise previously drawn conclusions and in the end I have to make up my mind yet again is one of the hardest aspects of learning. We learn, something changes and puts us back where we started. Change is a tool to teach us humility towards our own limits, knowledge and ideals.


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Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


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