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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Tue May 05, 2015 12:33 pm 
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4th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

I told Brother Ameris about Charles. He reacted tad bit odd to the notion that the child was taken to the orphanage. I wonder why Tegeus didn't just tell him the whole story, it's not like it would change anything really. But I'm not going to jump between them now. Moreso lhe clearly has no idea how that trust thing works or is just stubborn for the sake of it. We left the temple heading north, I listened to their encounter with the snake Queen. I guess there wasn't any solid plan to follow. And if it wasn't for that odd portal we would probably have left the snake temple. Two queens, one a tool one pulling the strings. She showed us the massacre happening on the bridge, we went through the portal to stop it but we were too late.

I can force any emotions from my face, leaving it expressionless for others to be unable to really know what I'm thinking. I can command myself to stay calm, composed and even cheerful. I've been doing that for my brothers and sisters for so many years. My own defense shield, held high. Impenetrable. I felt the shift happening the moment my mind registered what it was seeing. I wish we walked by foot to the Gates instead of teleporting I'd at lest had time to think through it more than once. I know my instincts are rather good, but after what I saw I needed more than this, the moral compass and context to draw the right conclusion. I could sense the tension in the questions he stated. Another test and I passed.

I went back to the temple, washed the blood from my shield and armor, then let my mind wander. I worked through all the possible scenarios, alternative solutions. Frustration started building up, choking me. How can one assess such a severe punishment for a failed attempt? Do we judge the act of murder the same as its attempt? Do we treat robbery the same as its attempt? No, there is a difference between them, so there should be a difference in the punishment as well as retribution we give. Then.. Why? Why... Retribution for the sake of it? Granny... I wish you could tell me what to think of it.

I read over and over the excerpt from the Talonite Tome that Brother Ameris left for me. I wish the others would be as willing to share theirs as he was. I hope that Lady Telia is right and no one will buy the ones that this red prick holds. I also left the message for the commander of the Order of the Silver Rose, so if everything goes well we will meet soon.

Oddly enough this one I find fitting.


    Do not go gentle into that good night,
    Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
    Because their words had forked no lightning they
    Do not go gentle into that good night.

    Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
    Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
    And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
    Do not go gentle into that good night.

    Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
    Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


OOC: Poem by Dylan Thomas

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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 12:25 pm 
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5th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

I should be patient. I should be understanding. All this is driven by her concern for me. For my choices. And yet, each time she doubts me, fishing for answers I can't give her it drives me dangerously towards the anger that I have been trying so hard to keep at bay. I am always there when I'm needed, for all the training sessions, discussions and so on. So why is she so... overprotective? I'm not really sure what it is anymore.

We were in the middle of a conversation, the usual ones we have now, when the sending from Tegeus came. Head Watchknight decided she cannot have me going alone and she will accompany me, I looked at her in disbelieve for a moment, biting my tongue on the words that wanted to come out. If I told her no, I wouldn't probably hear the end of it. I sent response back to the Doombringer. Let him deal with this, I though sourly. Mental pictures from yesterday hit me again, and I shuddered. They make it all so difficult at times. We went to meet with the others in the harbor tavern. They wanted to investigate the disturbing sightings in the sewers, believing its somehow connected to the talonites. I wondered if this time around Talisen had an actual plan. I'm not really sure he knows how to make one.. But with Cara, Tegeus and Head Watchknight around I though that it can't go possibly as wrong as the last trip. We traveled to the sewers where we found hollowed out, rotting bodies lacking organs and soft tissue. As we ventured deeper some kind of mutated rat attacked us. At first I thought it was just a were-rat but once it died it didn't turn back. Our investigation brought us deep into the tunnels underneath the city. The further we went the more of those mutated creatures we had to fight. They were deformed and the mutation process was happening in front of our eyes, forced by something or someone. We spent hours fighting our way through the tunnels and yet we haven't found a single talonite. The exhaustion made us weaker, less careful, I saw Head Watchknight, Tegeus and Talisen falling to the ground but I was saved from the same fate by Cara's spell. I dragged Talisen, as the only one I could reach out of the battlefield, and after a short rest we tried to find a way out. Cara took the others and once we found her she showed us the way out. The first breath of a fresh air I had in hours. I tended to the wounded while we talked about things we witnessed, the conclusion was made that we need to notify the Fist and so we did. Once we got home I wanted to take a bath, but Head Watchknight got all awkward and weird and kicked me out of the bathroom forcing me to take a dip in the river. Not that I mind, but really, we are both girls so why couldn't we just take the bath together? Is it because of the feathers?

Ghrim and Reine were at the residence when I came back and to my relief the big guy offered to cook for us. I planned to sleep the sewer trip off afterwards but couldn't fall asleep with my mind busy trying to figure out the possible connections and such. I slipped out from the house and went to the farmlands to check on Cromis. After lengthy discussion that involved some sugar, carrot and lots of brushing he let me put the saddle on his back. At last. I walked him on the longe line for a while before I went back to the city to check on the soup kitchen.


This day marks a month since my arrival to the city. I've just realized it.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*The other notebook given by Head Watchknight to her squire is of a smaller format than the one she keeps her journal in. Its leather cover is slightly darker and smoother, and the parchment pages seem to be thinner. The girl places it usually next to the one she uses more often, available for Sveta or Reine to look through them. At least for now.*

*On the first page, the first thing that catches the eye is the lone word written is a small script in the middle.*

Why?

*After closer look there is something more there at the very bottom of the page.*

    unasked questions
    scattered
    in the dark
    and washed out by anger

I want to believe.

*On the next page the lines are written in hurry or with a shaky hand.*


    I'll use you as a warning sign
    That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind
    I'll use you as a focal point
    So I don't lose sight of what I want
    I've moved further than I thought I could
    But I care more than I thought I would
    I'll use you as a warning sign
    That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

    I'll use you as a makeshift gauge
    Of how much to give and how much to take
    I'll use you as a warning sign
    That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind


Does it matter?
Does it?
What if I'm wrong, and it won't really matter in the end?




OOC: Butchered pieces of a song by Amber Run.

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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 3:47 pm 
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A Lecture in Trust


*As the final exercise in their routine Sveta is having Eleanor hold up a dumbbell in front of her.*

“Endurance does not come from sitting in suffering and growing complacent in it. True endurance comes from reaching your physical and mental bounds and pushing past them. Keep those arms of yours up Squire! Act as your life depended on it, for if you drop it you will be going through this again!”

*The words from Sveta's mouth bark out to the young Squire, there is a musk about the bulky Dame from the strength training so far.*

*The young girl shoots her mentor a look of annoyance*


“Arms up! ten more seconds!” *The personal trainer starts counting down excruciatingly slowly, seems to take pause to test the limits of her Squire* “Five... four... three..... two....... one.”

*Ellie manages to hold the dumbbell long enough for the excruciatingly slow count down to be finished, she then descends it slowly, her arms shaking.*

“That is enough for today.”
*The Dame tosses her Squire a towel and waterskin before resting onto a corner of the sofa* “Before you get cleaned up I wanted to talk to you about a topic you raised last tenday, trust. Join me. First I would like to hear your own thoughts upon trust.”

*The young squire looks up at her motherly knight mentor, frown forming on her visage.*

"You know what I think of it already..." *Her voice level and tired sounds slightly hollow. Hetero-chromatic eyes dart to her journal laying on the drawer.* "Can we talk at least after we bathe...?" *Ellie looks back to Sveta, and meeting her stern look she sighs heavily, sitting down on the floor. The girl takes a deep breath banishing the exasperation from her expression, which leaves her sweat covered face blank.* "As I already said few time before... Trust is something that needs a foundation to even be started, then time and effort to be built. It can never be forced. It requires both parties to work on it. One-sided trust is never a real trust. Trust is also what strengthens loyalty." *Eleanor falls silent for a moment, before she speaks again.* "Alliances, friendship they all require it." *She looks to Sveta awaiting her response. Her features remain calm and composed.*

“Trust is in all things, not only friendship, and alliances. I lay trust in the steel of my blade each will hold true with each swing. I trust the sun will rise in the in the morning, and set in the evening. I trust the three day old eggs in the kitchen have yet to go off. I trust these things because there is significant evidence to believe in them. I keep my blade well maintained, there are no signs of stress damage, so I lay my trust in it holding next time it should be in my hands. While clouds may block his light there has yet to be a day when Lathander has dawned. My trust will hold for those eggs in the kitchen for a few days yet till I will start doubting their integrity."

"I remember reading somewhere in a book, the bird is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch, but on its own wings. Trust also extends to ourselves, and our capabilities.”


*The motherly knight continues on her talk, preparing her little nestling to be pushed from the nest, resting one bulky arm across the sofa's back, the other on the armrest*

“Do you know Helm's guiding phrase?”

*Eleanor shakes her head a bit, wet strands of hair clinging to her still flushed cheeks.*

“Never betray your trust. It is a philosophy that advises vigilance in preparation against threats, and caution of where trust is being instilled. It is a matter of weighing judgement, something we must have trust in ourselves to judge correct, but we should also look to our gods and heed their teachings. It is why I often use the phrase Helm's guidance in farewell, it is wishing upon them vigilance taught by the Great Guardian in judgement, and action.

But that is not to say we should guard our trust with an iron shield. As I have been speaking with you over the past tendays of compassion, trust comes with that. I believe all men and women born to this earth are not inherently sinful, there was a change that caused them to become so. I trust then it is possible for that change to go the other direction. Yet in that we should not neglect that often these people threaten the lives, and livelihoods of others. We must not betray our trust to those who rely upon us for protection.”


*The girl nods, rocking slightly as she listens to the lecture.*

“In meeting Telia as a runaway Zhentarim agent the extension of trust in sanctuary was as much a hope in setting her path onto another, as a vessel to keep her close so I could may clear judgement whether that hope was faithful.

We must weigh the evidence in our minds and be unbiased in doing so. With regard to the Doombringer, he has yet to clear my doubts upon the sincerity of what seems to be his fascination with you. And I don't mean it in that way, you have already mentioned in your dairy you question some of the Doombringers judgements. It is in the Helmite ideals to act with a plan and make clear judgement, take heed of how the Doombringer makes his.”


"I know, but I still wouldn't call it that." *Ellie's hetero-chromatic eyes narrow ever so slightly* "He tolerates me, like... Say, a puppy that follows you around because that is its caprice. And probably because I'm not expecting him to be more than he is, or different than others wished for him to be. More to that I don't condemn his faith on the bases that it's different than mine.." *She shrugs* "It is certainly not for my cooking... But going back to trust." *The girl attempts to lead the conversation away from the recently never-ending, risky topic of all things related to the Doombringer.* "We shouldn't grant it lightly, but we also shouldn't be too scared to let it be born. Even if we asses wrong there is still a chance we are right and if not there is a lesson to be learned. The reason in allowing someone to repent is entangled with out trust that they deserve it among other things. I chose to be optimistic, to act in good faith and to not expect the worse. You may call me a fool for that, but it's just how I am." *Eleanor smiles at her mentor contrarily* "Can we go take that bath now? Please?"

*The young girls smile is met with a somewhat amused one of mentors own* "Your optimism is refreshing Squire. I'm just reminding you to remain vigilant. Right... now lets see about that bath."

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Thu May 07, 2015 8:56 am 
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*One might say that nothing has really changed. The breakfast and lunch bags were prepared as always before the girl left for her morning prayer. Not a crumble of bread left on the table, not a singe dirty mug standing somewhere, the kitchen as always was impeccably clean. The bed was made, water in the flower vases was changed. Everything in order as usual.

The tiny little difference could be missed at first but not by those living under the same roof. The top of a drawer that should be occupied by two small, leather bound books was empty. The notebooks no longer there.

Oh, and yes. The silence. The impenetrable aura of silence surrounding the young squire.*




***********************************


Thoughts

6th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

I wanted to write about the yuan-ti, about talonites, about things that should be written down. But I'm not going to.

It's... Too much.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*The script is messy, scattered over the page and barely legible in some places.*.

Some things should never be said out loud. Some thoughts should be locked away somewhere where no one can find them, with the key at the bottom of the sea. Some things should remain secret.

She shouldn't have told me that.
Gods. I could have stayed blissfully oblivious and that would be good.
It changes everything.
It's wrong. Wrong on so many levels. I don't want to think about that.

And she thought he was messed up.

It made her weak. It made her so confused and yet she resists the idea that it may be something unnatural, curse or other dark magic. She made her peace with it for hells sake!

I wish I haven't been told.
And what am I suppose to do about that. She is not who I thought she was. How could I be so wrong about someone I've been living with? What am I suppose to think?


    Fear is like fire
    You can warm your hands on it
    Fear is like fire
    You can burn your house down with it
    You can watch it burn

    You can peel back the layers
    Find what's underneath of us
    Peel back the layers
    One by one, everyone will reveal a side of us

    Here we are at the point of no return
    Fear is like fire
    You can watch it burn


Dark and twisted notions should never be spoken of.




OOC: Pieces of a song by Fink (This mess is on you Mango! xP)

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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Fri May 08, 2015 10:25 am 
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7th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

I decided to fight through it. But it haven't brought me any peace. Neither the fallen xsvarts nor giants. But still I fought, hours passed, the exhaustion slowly claiming its place. I welcomed it, as well as pain, as the only thing that seemed to work. We met then that odd man, clad in black with a heavy helmet. He told us that he seeks an artifact, that was stolen from a caravan. Bandits responsible for it massacred the merchants supposedly. Neither me nor Bandit really believed his story, or his intentions but we decided together with Ken that the gem should be retrieved if only for the reason to keep it away from the one seeking it.

Once we found those suppose to be thieves, me and Ken spent some time talking with them, to give Bandit a chance to check their tents. Together with the evidence of what he saw there and the behavior of the younger man, once the gem was mentioned by me, we decided that they are those bandits the dark clad figure spoke of. We waited for them to fall asleep, hoping that would make it easier to knock them down without actually killing anyone. Wishful thinking. They resisted and things got bloody. Gem indeed was with their boss. Bandit took it but also agreed to show it to Lady Telia. Ken offered to bury the bodies so me and Bandit could get to the Gate's with no delay. I wasn't really happy about coming back home, but I needed to be sure the gem is not dangerous.

We traveled in hurry and we soon reached the city. Lady Telia inspected the stone for a longer moment stating in the end that it is not a threat, but can be used for magical enchantments. Bandit decided to leave the stone with me. I thought with some relief then that I may yet get out of there without actually facing Sveta. But no, she had to push me. I wonder if she realizes that is so much like him. I wish they hadn't seen it... Gods. I stormed out, snapping at her and snapping at Tegeus that happened to somehow find himself there. And just like that he asked me to spar with him. For a moment I thought I'm going to loose it, but Bandit showed up forcing me to contain myself. He is a weird one, but there is something about him that makes me smile, when he is around. I think Lady Lafayette saw it in him too. He told me that he is going to meet with the stranger that asked as to retrieve the stone. I didn't want him to go alone, but we decided that it's safer if I stay here with the stone, and so he left. I followed the Doombringer to the arena where we spoke for moment about anger. We disagreed about how to handle it. Afterwards we spared, not like before, this time fully geared, warded. All in. It felt good, disturbingly so, I give him that. Each blow taken evoke the pain that cleared my mind just a tiny bit, each blow that landed the target took the bits and pieces of anger away. Still, he won. Again. How can he be so strong given his poor diet remains a mystery to me. I got distracted by the figure that approached us during the spar, so his spear found me. The stranger came for the stone, my first thought was of Bandit. The black clad man told me that will get the stone sooner or later and I will join his army after my death. Tegeus was ready to teleport us out of there if things went south but the Necromancer simply left saying that Bandit betrayed me and is dead now. Fortunately that was a lie and we summoned both Bandit and the Commander. Dwanknight and Berea came shortly after the masked boy had joined us. We spoke about the gem and Eldarian suggested it should be locked away in a safe place so I gave him the artifact.

The doombringer teleported us all to Beregost. I spoke to Commander about the excerpts form the tomes that Heartwarder told me about. Reader Laitae showed up at the Temple as well and it wasn't long before she accused Tegeus of being a sociopath based on what she heard from our quiet conversation. From the words that followed I figured the term wasn't a pretty one, we left soon afterwards to speak about the yuan-ti threat. Or so I thought we would be doing. In the end he wanted to know what I thought about what happened to the other queen. We agreed to disagree on that matter after some discussion. I wonder. Did he really care about what I think of his actions or did he want to make sure I'm not going to tell anyone. I suppose both to some degree. I couldn't tell him what happened between me and Sveta, can't really tell anyone. Which also means I can't ask anyone for advice. He suggested that if I decided that I no longer can be her squire, he would take me as his. I'd be a liar if I said that his proposition is not worth considering. I feel torn between the oath I gave, the goal of knightship, the hurt, the confusion, the differences I have with both of them...
And besides, If I was wrong about her, there is that risk I am also wrong about him. And I don't think I could take another blow like that right now.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*The script is less messy than on the previous page.*.
I feel like the world has shifted out of place. Like a dislocated shoulder. Dull pain and the feeling that it doesn't really fit.

Letting the rage carry the blade helped momentarily. But it is not a permanent solution.
I have to find the balance. With my head now cleared a bit, I know I have to talk to her. I still don't know if going back is even possible, but still.
She used my own words against me.
Duty.

The biding is strong, it holds. It will hold no matter what. I know it. She knows it.
I don't know who she is anymore, but... Should it really matter?
Forgiveness, compassion, loyalty.

By turning the world upside down she took something from me, but it doesn't give me the right to do the same, does it?
Granny use to say, that the most difficult thing is to keep all three dogmas in balance within ones mind and heart, but only then one can be closest to what Triad represents.



    Hear your thunder calling,
    from a distant sky

    When the heavens falling,
    And I see the light
    Taken from my slumber,
    From a dream I've died

    Every time I look in your eyes
    I see lightning
    Every time I look into your eyes
    You come crashing

    Feel the tempest storming,
    calm the shifting tides



There is always a way.





OOC: Pieces of the song by Digital Daggers

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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Sun May 10, 2015 5:34 pm 
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8th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

Another spider has been found, this time in Triel, some mercenary company took it down which in the consequence leaves us without actual assessment of its power. Nothing can be done about that now. I marked its location and the map and the vague description that this one was strong. After some discussion we decided to check the Troll Claws and if possible the anomaly that mister Corvus found in the Reaching Woods tomorrow.

I faced the conflict with Sveta head on. Just like Granny would have expected me to do. I'm not yet sure if me getting through to her made her change her perspective for real. Time will show, there is no other way around it. If so I'm glad she realized that and chose to put it behind her.

I also informed her that I want Tegeus to become my mentor once the squireship is over. She wasn't thrilled but by now she probably knows at some level that she cannot do anything about that. Having that in mind she suggested that it would probably be better if he taught me alongside with her. Well, I'd have to run this by him. There is still the little matter of making him understand why I chose the way I did. I wonder if he changed his mind already given he proposed that maybe I should rather squire with Lady Lafayette than with Sveta or him. I hope that's not the case.

After things got cleared out a bit I presented the idea, I've been toying with for a while now, to Sveta about weekly or biweekly dinners where we would invite some people over. It resonated from my conviction that the main reason behind the lack of ability to share information between the factions is cause by the mere fact that those people merely know one another or have misconceptions about one another. I'm not aiming for everyone to become best friend, but simply to realize that no matter how different are the paths we follow, the dogmas we serve, overall goal stays the same. To me the place where we live safe to live in.


9th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

Together with Heartwarder, mister Xon and mister Corvus we went to the troll claws to check the spider cave that is there. It took mister Corvus a while to decipher all the signals he received from his commune. We will have to check, what he found there at some point.

After we concluded our search, I intended to speak with Tegeus about my decision but before that we stumbled upon Cara. She told us she managed to gather some knowledge from her experiments and research. She wasn't willing to share it with me at that time. Her preference was for those righteous ones to come and ask. Well I can understand her position given the treatment she was given. I still don't know the reasons behind it, but I'm not sure if I really care for it having in mind the gravity of the situation we are in. After she left I spoke with the Doombringer, and to my sheer surprise he didn't object to the notion of teaching me alongside with Sveta. This makes me happy. And ever more so he agreed to eat my food. I can't have him eating that crap he has been living on. He will die before I manage to learn enough from him due to some stomach disease or something.

We then went to the meeting at the Radiant Heart chapter-house, I wondered how long it would take them to oppose his presence there. Well it was almost instantaneous once they saw him. Having to see the notion fall as they wanted to vote him out was a pleasant. It also shows that it will take time for them to put aside what happened between the doombringer and Grandmaster Arkaine, and some of them may not ever be able to do so. Not even the fact that he atoned in the eyes of Helm help much to, and to listen to a Guide who is a warlock questioning our understanding on repentance and atonement was just priceless. How someone who is soulless can know and understand the notion. Even if he inherited his power his soul was already sold to the being granting when the pact was made.

The meeting was long. First matter on the agenda was the situation in the north. The decision was made to use the Hellriders to scout and retake the village/village food supplies. I'm not entirely sure given the amount of people speaking. What matters is we need food supplies to be able to feed the refugees and the citizens. I guess someone should talk with miss Castillo about some trade arrangement. Fist is suppose to take care of the mutated rats threat, I can only imagine that going not very well. Which means we will have to reach out to them and offer help. First I have to talk to Cara about her findings.

The thing that frustrated me the most was to be told that I miss few dozens of those spiders on mine and mister Corvus'es map. No one saw fit to tell us that once I sent my report a week ago. I could feel the anger building up. But Heartwarder was right, we came together to share the information now. Better late than never eh? Aparently much more spiders were discovered and killed but most importantly based on the information that was presented we believe the hive where the brood-mother resides is in the Reaching Woods, it seemed to be heavily fortified with the wildlife of any kind. That whole Phoenix Company found a dark altar, hundredths of odd fused undead. Commander Eldarian told us also about the result of the scrying, that showed other terribly deformed creatures. I guess Talonites were busy with creating their terrifying army of monstrosities. Heartwarder decided that me and mister Corvus will be in charge of that expedition. Well that makes things a bit more interesting.

After the meeting we wanted to meet with Cara but she was occupied with something else. Commander brought to our attention the the damned Guide is keeping some information from the others. Probably on his bases of the security breach. I tried to contact him but with no luck. I think they all should learn one thing. There is no such thing as a complete security. There are always leaks of information. Nothing can stay really secure and hidden. No matter how hard they try, so they should get it over with and stop acting like annoyed children that do not want to share their toys.

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Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Mon May 11, 2015 11:38 am 
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Thoughts

10th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

The mission into the Reaching Woods was a failure, I couldn't establish leadership and aside from Heartwarder and master Revenark that were ready to follow me I couldn't make the others do that willingly. There was chaos, damned hins that I know now are part of that whole Phoenix Company. They will not be welcome in those efforts any more. But it also made me think that I'm no leader, it didn't really matter what kind of plan I had, how reasonable I tried to be. I failed them, myself. In the end only two pieces of information are clear to me from all this. A whole army of gnolls moving towards the part of the woods that Commander Eldarian told us about and that someone butchered all those little winged creatures in the cave and it weren't gnolls.

After that fiasco I talked with Cara during Greengrass festival about it and her findings regarding the rats. She believes that the ones we faced were progeny of the maggot infested ones that occurred during the plague in the city. This has to be delivered to the Fist so either will have to meet with them or send the report.

Later on I talked with Reine. She told me about her and Brother Ameris' idea, which I fully support. Then she told me what the others have been telling me for a while now. I wonder what is her obsession with that day when Tyrantrax came with his insane idea. I do believe that extracting the information from a cultist serves our purpose, I never however said that: sure let's extract his mind, and do whatever that insane being proposed. But does it really surprise me anymore? She thinks I am being manipulated and corrupted just like the others do.

Griselda responded to my sending and wanted to meet in the usual spot. I couldn't find mister Corvus anywhere so I took mister Ivan and Cara with me. I shared with Griselda what we managed to find out and she told us that the undead moved past Kheldrivver into the High Moor spreading the disease and must be stopped before they join with the forces in the reaching woods. And how for the love of gods are we suppose to destroy that army... I would like to know. She said this time that she is a high priestess, but once pressed more the old woman simply said her farewells urging us to focus on the tasks and left.

I went back to the city, deciding upon asking Lady Telia to inspect the crystal ball I still carry. Her revelations gave me an idea. Apparently those balls are some kind of conduits of positive energy created to weaken and trap an undead. Then she spoke with me about my quarrel with Sveta. She told me she felt used by me to make a point, to show something to others that day. I listened in disbelieve, feeling humiliated and ashamed. I never had such odd intentions, I'm not some mater manipulator. It hurt to hear her say those things but I can only take them in, given she could have felt hurt too looking at things from her perspective. The damage is done, nothing I say can repair it, not at this point when in their eyes I stepped into a dark path. Telia told me that they fear I will fall to the path she once chose. I may be stupid, uneducated, silly but I am loyal to Gods.

Time came to go with Tegeus to meet the others before our travel to Daggerford. I was hoping that after our business there was done I could meet with my siblings. We went there to investigate murders committed by a creature called Butcher, possible cultist of Bhaalist. We were suppose to find a tower by the sea, it turned out to be an asylum for those of sick mind at least it had been that before the rebellion that happened two years ago. Now The Geiland Spire is in hands of its former prisoners. On the way there we found a victim of those residing in the tower. She was abused, tortured, to the point in which one loosed its mind. I healed the wounds I could, but there no magic, no power to heal the mind. They decided to give her mercy by killing what was left of her. Tegeus drove a dagger into the base of skull and she died in my arms. Upon reaching the Geiland Spire Talisen and the elves went scouting, it came clear soon that we won't be entering the tower today as neither of them could get us in. The matter has to wait.


***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Few sentences here and there written in tiny, tight script*.

It no longer matters what I say, or do. They seem to made up their minds. I wonder, what did I do to prove them right. Each time I listen about how he, and now also them, will drive me into the dark path, how they will corrupt me and my soul, I feel like a tiny little part in me gives up.

Family should of course worry about its members, but they also should believe in you if they can't support you. But who am I kidding, with Granny's death any notion of that died too. I've been making my own choices since I was 10. And yet I'm still me. My family preserved thanks to mines and Robbie's decisions. With all that happened I remained the same at the core.

Telia thinks I'm some manipulative deceitful little thing. Can't blame her really, her words stung, surprisingly so, cutting deep. I've been saying that I'm sorry so many times to so many people now.

It makes me feel alone.
Their disappointment slaps me across the face. My own shortcomings and failings hit me ever harder.
It's cold.


    What if this storm ends?
    And leaves us nothing
    Except a memory
    A distant echo

    I was pinned down
    I've walked unsettled
    Rattle cage after cage
    Until my blood boils

    Painted in flames
    All peeling thunder
    The lightning in me
    That strikes relentless





OOC: Pieces of a song by Snow Patrol

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Tue May 12, 2015 9:53 am 
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*It's still dark when Eleanor looks at the drawer in front of her, a thoughtful expression crosses her face. The brief moment of hesitation is gone as she puts the bigger notebook on the drawer. Hetero-chromatic eyes fall to the second on in her hand. There is no trace of confusion this time as she places the book under the drawer far from anyone's eyes. The young squire glances around the impeccably clean residence for a moment before heading out and directing her steps towards the Ilmateri Temple where she attends her morning prayers.*


***********************************


Thoughts

11th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

I encountered the Phoenix Company at the campfire near FAI talking to Lady Elvina. My attempts to speak went poorly, so I settled for listening. As I wanted to leave once they were done with sharing what they know Tegeus insisted that I should talk to Elvina. I let him have it his way and I don't really regret that, granted I still don't know if and when the Silver Rose will be done with their report.

After the talk with Elvina I saw the long haired girl with that two-handed gigantic hammer again. She winked at me and left for Sharpteeth forest. Apparently only I can see her, Tegeus couldn't. Why then? A vision? A trick? A ghost? And it is somehow connected to the amulet I found on the road when me and Bandit were on our way to the Gates with the humming stone. It started glowing with that red sheen of it but now its much stronger. We followed her into the orc's cave and in the end we faced two Beholders. Those were real. I caught a glimpse of her again, nodding. Like she was approving. It's disturbing even with the feeling that I did right somehow. I need someone to check this amulet.

Tegeus decided I need a more difficult challenge and so he took me deeper into the Nashkel mines to fight a fiend and later into the Frost Keep. That twitchy elven girl, Val, accompanied us there. I should better remember to never have her at my back given her skill with the bow.

I knew that sooner or later he will want to know why I was so angry before leaving for Daggerford. He got his answers and a piece of an explanation to my... Hm. Reasons why I chose to affiliate myself with him? I'm not sure how to call it really. Intentions? Oh well, both I guess to some degree. I think he didn't like what he heard. That's the price for the truth.

It made me think again of what Lady Telia said.


    I was angry with my friend:
    I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
    I was angry with my foe:
    I told it not, my wrath did grow.

    And I watered it in fears
    Night and morning with my tears,
    And I sunned it with smiles
    And with soft deceitful wiles.

    And it grew both day and night,
    Till it bore an apple bright,
    And my foe beheld it shine,
    And he knew that it was mine,

    And into my garden stole
    When the night had veiled the pole;
    In the morning, glad, I see
    My foe outstretched beneath the tree.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Under few sentences a simple sketch of a long-haired woman wielding a two-handed hammer can be found.*

I'm afraid to go with the crimson amulet to Lady Telia, it would only give her more reasons to think wrong of me. Doombringer suggested priestess Aeili. It's worth a try.

I think I hit a nerve by saying my reasons-intentions out loud, not yet sure if that's good or bad. I know that it is not wrong of me to at least try. But it will be a long way before he even allows himself to at least consider what I'm saying.

Things between me and Sveta went more or less back to normal. I still feel a wary undertone resonating within me but I think it's just some residue of the confusion. I can see the cracks. They will stay there for now.



OOC: Poem by William Blake

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Wed May 13, 2015 12:32 pm 
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12th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

Tyrantrax found another tome, or artifact, I'm still not sure having so many contradictory information. He gave it to Reine, but in the meantime there was a warrant on his head stated by the Fist. And once he came to the Gate's, unaware of this, Sveta and I took him to the Fist' Compound. He is apparently part of the Phoenix Company.

On our way out of the city we met Cara so I told her about the new development. And once we met Tegeus, both of my mentors decided to discuss something. Watching them talk makes my cringe inside, fearing they will clash and something will break, but surprisingly so it didn't end bad.

Reine came some time later carrying grim news with her. Vicar Nechera was turned undead and the ritual Commander Eldarian and Brother Ameris performed almost cost them their life. Without needless words Tegeus teleported us to Beregost but there was nothing we could do for either of them. Not at this point.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Tight script fills the page*

Many hours have passed since I entered the only place I feel really at home. I sit in the impenetrable armor of silence with my eyes set hard on Torm's symbol.
I know now what makes me weak. The sneaky need for someone's approval. Somewhere deep inside me, that little, stupid, feeble girl still lives. I thought I killed her off long time ago burning out whatever was left when I was done destroying her. But it seems I wasn't thorough enough.
She is the one fueling the hot, sharp-edged fury, the one responsible for the pain. And I should be free of it.
The only approval I need is one from the Gods. It should be the only one I need.
The only thing I need is balance.
I should not need them. I have my faith. My faith is all I need.
I should not care about their fears, accusations, suspicions and misconceptions.
I am my own path.
I am never alone as long as I am Gods' tool.
I don't need them.
I don't need them.
The balance will bring me peace.
The conviction of doing what I feel and know is right will be my strength.
I'm composed. I'm in balance. I'm confident.
All is in the hands of the Triad.

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Thu May 14, 2015 11:21 am 
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Thoughts

13th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

All those long hours at the temple and at the island seem to be helping. Keeping my distance from all of them, burying myself in different tasks allowed me to gather my thoughts.
We are going to hunt the next spitter down tomorrow, so my peaceful solitude will have to end. Duty calls.


***********************************


Bits and pieces


Her name is Rhiannon. I am yet to discover who or what she is. Why am I the only one seeing her.

I think I was stronger when I was at home, than I am now. I didn't have time to think that much. I was more in control. I never let my emotions get better of me.
But I also know that I have been suppressing so much anger, frustration that it shouldn't really surprise me. The pressure is no longer there, lid has been removed and years of well contained rage alongside with other emotions are driving me insane.
Fortunately the solitude has helped. Time to go back to the residence.

    no longer confined mind
    seeping through the cracks
    causing havoc in its way
    broken bones
    telling stories
    of the lack of light


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Thu May 14, 2015 5:42 pm 
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Brushing out the Knots


*Tonight, after allowing her Squire to clean up and to cook dinner, Sveta would have her sit down on her own bed to speak as she often does. Leaving momentarily to her desk she returns with a small note in hand with charcoal, along with another object hidden behind her back. The mentor sits down beside her student hiding the object from sight.*

*Her voice holds traces of sternness and concern, showing signs of an unvoiced scolding of the two days of absence the young girl has had from home* "Eleanor, you're not alone in this battle. Perhaps I was wrong to push you away from Cromis with such fervor, and perhaps it is a bit contradictory to my ideals for a better world. I wish to help you set him upon a better path, I wish for him, as all to become apart of that better world."

*A soft frown forms on Eleanor's visage as she tries to foreshadow what Sveta is planning to do* "I'm glad your have changed you mind. But you will pay the same price as I do for supporting me in that choice. If not a higher one."

*The concern begins to fade as she leans back on a hand against the bed, continuing her thoughts*"I have already paid that price in the past, as I was telling you of Telia. All men are capable of change. But it is not easy, as you are beginning to find it is not only the change that is difficult, but the opposition, and lack of hope in change from others. I will support you, but the road will not be easy. The road upon mercy, upon compassion, rarely is. Death is a cop out, death is an easy excuse. We strive for a world of peace. True peace cannot be wrought by force, it is cultivated through compassion."

*The girl runs her fingers through the entangled chaos of her hair while a tiny flicker of objection shows in her eyes* "I no longer care about what they have to say about my choices. As for a creation of peace. There are exceptions from that... World is not black and white. It is not created in the vacuum where all circumstances are set within the perfect setting. Sometimes we have to bring the hammer down."

*The knight’s eyes dart to girls hair for a brief moment, narrowing, before returning to continue her talk in calm, yet severe tone*"I do understand that the world is not that way Eleanor, sometimes death is an unfortunate necessary, and each circumstance should merit their own judgement. However, vengeance only brings more vengeance, it is an endless cycle till there is no one left to kill. Mercy, and change will bring about peace and end to that cycle. He is an old man Eleanor, a priest of his faith also. His ideals will not easily be shifted, but I do think together we will be able to see him brought to a better path."

*Ellie's shakes her head with a quiet chuckle* "There is a difference between revenge and vengeance. The line is blurred I know, but there is a difference. And let's make one thing clear. As I want him to stop that tunnel thinking he pushed himself into, I am not going to try and convert him. This is out of the question. That would violate the trust I'm trying to build. And the respect I have for him." *The young woman's voice is level with just enough sternness in it to be clear she wants to make the point.* "His mind is set on how his life should - or more so - must look like, what his duty expects from him. But if I am ever to break through those walls of his, to show him that he can have more from life and still be the man he wants to be I can't simply wish to convert him. Besides" *She waves her hands in a slightly dismissive manner* "I don't want to change his ideals. I share some of them. And would you like for anyone to force any great change in you?" *Eleanor looks straight into Sveta's eyes.*

*The look is met and held it as she speaks* ”I did not mean to imply a conversion, merely that breaking through that wall will not be an easy task. And yes, I do believe ideals should be challenged. If you cannot defend your ideals in a civil discussion then why should you fight for them?”

*The Knight takes up arms, revealing the hidden object to be a hairbrush. She eyes her Squires mess of hair once more* "If you wish to be treated like an adult you must make the appearance of one. You have let your hair grow into a birds nest, what statement do you think that makes? One of an aspiring knight? Or one of a young wild girl. Turn about, its going to be a nightmare to get these knots out.”

*The RebeliousSquire eyes narrow at the sight of the brush, she cuts a face wrinkling her nose a bit then she speaks with an ironic undertone ringing in her voice* "Why should I care about a statement my hair make? All others care about is my suppose to be happening fall into the dark path and inevitable corruption of my soul given the people I chose to affiliate myself with." *She tugs at a longer strand of her thick hair.* "Wearing a hood makes them go all crazy. Lets cut...half of that mess. Leaving them a bit longer than the shoulder line. I assume you wouldn't want me cut them entirely short?" *Ellie chuckles, flicker of amusement showing in her eyes.* "Brush away.."

*As the Squire submits the knight attempts bring order to the mess, trying to be gentle, yet firm in pulling out any knots as a veiled punishment for letting it get so messy. The BrushKnight sets the parchment into her Squire's lap to look over as her hair is tended to.* ”Eleanor, don’t talk like that. I will admit shorter hair has more practicality, and I once considered cutting mine shorter. We are women afteral. Maybe we can trim an inch off to make it easier to maintain however.”

“More like...five. Fine...three?” *The girl looks hopefully towards her mentor* "Two, and no more." *Her mentor replies in an uncompromising tone as she continues brushing*

Quote:
Brother Santraegar & Miss Navra
Dawnknight Al'maire & Miss Merriman
Heartwarder Erza
Lady Lafayette
Knight Commander Elvina & Knight General Siger
Miss Endelyon Castillo
Miss Nea
Priestess Aeili
Mr Ivan & Miss Juliandra
Bandit
Doombringer Cromis


*As the hair is straightened out the knight begins to plait it into a french braid, she seems to have taken note of the Sunite’s that have tended to her own hair in the past* "In your lap is the list of names I have for the weekly dinners. I had thought we should invite those we hold close first to solidify those friendships before we outreach to others. Feel free to add and names you would like to that list. We can start on it next week."

*The young woman tilts her head* "Are all those pairs?" *She points to conjoined names on the list and her mouth quirks in sour amusement.* "No pairs... Love makes them weak, naive, distracted. They are more concentrated on their foolish relationships than important matters." *She sighs seeing her mentor's expression* "Fine.. Whatever... I shouldn't have said that. But it doesn't change my thoughts on that horrid notion of romantic love."

*As the braid is formed it is tied off two inches from its bottom to allow for it to be cut, there is a pat on the girls shoulder before she is finally let free* We fight for the freedom in others. Love, and relationships are important matters to many, while they might not be for us. Eleanor,” *The knights tone becomes motherly looking at her young squire* ”there is a battle within all of us of two wolves. One is of hope, truth, empathy, kindness, friendship and peace, the other of anger, greed, lies, resentment, vindictiveness and ego. The one that wins is the one you feed. Be mindful, my Squire, of which you feed. Now, let me find my scissors.”

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Tue May 19, 2015 1:13 pm 
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14-17th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

I changed the pace of things, shifting many things around in my schedule. I no longer spend every waking moment training, instead I take books with me to the temple, spending hours there, even nights.

We fought another plague spitter in the spider caves within the Troll Claws. I wish Talisen hadn't been so hot-headed. He tried to teleport out with the carcass almost killing all of us by landing us underwater. Typical. If only did he talk to me about this... Cara worked on the dead spider, taking something out of it for research purpose.

We also went down into the sewers again, to deal with the rats. Oddly enough most of them were already dead, we burned all the remains. Deeper into the tunnels a weird tracks were found that would suggest something like a huge rock rolling. I can't make sense of it. Lately the more information we get, the more confused I am.

Rei decided to terminate her cadetship with Everwatch. She snapped during a training session, which led to talk in the temple between her, me and Ghrim, who later had to tell Sveta about that. I wonder what she thinks about Rei's decision. I support it in a way, Rei should do what feels right to her and what makes her stay in balance with herself.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Loose notes here and there*

The moment of realization came suddenly, things no longer clear. The connection between them so loose that I can barely feel it now.
I can't be of more help. I thought I can, but now I know that it's beyond my comprehension.

I wonder about Rei's motivation, about all the factors, not only those she voiced out loud.
It made me think about pride too. I had my fair share of arguments with Sveta. I think she doesn't really get mines, or Rei's internal motivations. She is neither a cleric, nor paladin, so I guess she lacks the experience and knowledge to understand what in the end drives me or Rei.


    born from silence
    thoughts heavy with guilt
    laced with blood
    from lip bit in anger

    born from silence
    words unspoken
    and choked on

    born from silence
    suffering of many faces
    mixed with understanding
    that never ends

    born from silence
    lopsided smile as
    harbinger of change



OOC: Pardon my really poor attempt at writing a poem, I'm obviously out of my depth being non-native. It's all Killington's fault! He challenged me.

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 2:05 pm 
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19-21th Mirtul 1351, Wayfork Village


Being here is different now. It's no longer home. Or has the word changed its meaning since I left? Could be.

They are sick, really sick, so I'm here now. Duty. Family. Can't help but pull at the loose ends somehow.


22-24th Mirtul 1351, Wayfork Village


Kids are doing better but Granny's state is worrying me. There is no force to stop age really.

Christina is looking at me with those big, haunting eyes, too big in her gaunt face. Her silence has long since stopped worrying me, I know all to well how comforting it can be, but now - why now, I wonder? - it seems so misplaced. Tiny, scrawny arms of a child wrapped around my neck. Warmth. How have I missed it. She's still weak, they all are, but now the worst is behind us.
I bury my face in her neck, the smell of a child so conforming and yet driving my thoughts towards the edge. I want better for them than this. At least for Chrissy and Adam. I must do better, so help me Gods.


22-24th Mirtul 1351, Wayfork Village


He keeps on testing my limits again. I crave to bring the hammer of justice down on him. Would be so convenient. So wrong.

I take pleasure in watching them draw in the sand. Laughter and joyful chatter filling my mind. I'll have to leave for the Gates soon, but I will be back to take the twins back to Daggerford, which no longer really seems like a good idea.

Should I shield them all from what is coming?
I already know the answer.


27th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate


All that I have missed somehow does not stir more interest in me than I thought it would have. I did listen however to Sveta's and that phoenix member talk, taking mental note of few things while watching both my mentors present at the table. I could feel the off feeling crawling down my spine. Something was in the air.

And Rei is back.


***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Loose notes here and there*


She is dying. As I can try anything to slow it down, pay them to ease her pain when my own magic fails I can't make it stop. She is fading. I'm buying time for their's sake, for time's sake, for the last word's sake.
Paper-thin skin with sickly purple veins protruding from within. Ghostly eyes, unfocused at times, fog tainted and unseeing search the room after my voice. Shallow breathes, weak voice and cold hands reaching for mine. She knows. I know. We speak of what is coming.

I want to see him brought to justice. I want him to face the judgement for all that he has done to our family.
A tiny, dark, twisted part of me wants him to suffer for it especially when he tries to provoke me. I'm taking them away from him. It should be enough.
Let it be enough.
I pity him but deep inside I also hate him. And it scares me.

Sveta said that her mother will arrange for my siblings to be placed in a boarding school in Waterdeep. For the youngest four of them, not just two as we discussed at first. Gods, that is good, really good. I may yet be able to spare them from witnessing her death.

After she left I tried to convince Tegeus to talk, but I didn't even make a scratch on the surface of his refusal to speak. Not yet anyways. He had it his way, as usual. I guess, that in the end it would be pointless to fight him on that today. Besides it is hard to read him at times, so it's quite risky to push when I'm unable to distinguish where the line is.

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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2015 4:51 pm 
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Waterdeep - meeting of two families


*As they follow Mrs. Chroster, Ellie keeps her eyes at the better part of her family. Even the oldest, twins, look around Waterdeep in silent awe, seeing the big city for the first time in their lives. Still weak from recent illness and teleportation spell the eight year old in her arms looks up, blinking slowly before a shy smile forms in the corners of child’s lips. Eleanor brushes off tangled, sun kissed hair from her little sister’s forehead with a gentle smile of her own. Chrissie points to one of taller buildings visible in the distance with a questioning look and flushed cheeks. Ellie nods with a tiny shrug murmuring something in response that is met with the other girl’s wider smile that lights up her whole heart-shaped face.

As the immediate awe of the towering buildings begun to fade the noise of the highsun bustle of the metropolis begun to fuzz their thoughts as they made their way north. Shouts of dock workers rang to their left, the murmur of merchants bartering to their right as they walked north up the high road. Caravans rode past them, seeming to pay no mind to the adrift wanders, there was business to be done. The noise, the smells, and the sheer bustle of the city of Splendors would be near overwhelming for the young children who had led, while hard, a fairly simple rural upbringing.

Stone and wooden tenements, some four stories tall lined the road north, the foot of each held their own little shops. The signs the walked past almost became uncountable. Amrani's Laundry, Prestar's Furniture, Krabbellor Silversmiths… There seemed to be a shop specializing in anything they could imagine. The cleanliness, and smell seemed to improve as they made their way north into the Trade Ward, the shouts from the docks becoming distant. *


“Stop this Adam..” *Katherina’s voice is stern and laced with irritation* “Can’t carry you and your things.”

*The self proclaimed head of the family looks over her shoulder towards the commotion, eyes leveling on pale, pouty face of her nine year old brother.*

“I want to be carried too! I’m tired..”
*The boy demands in half-rebellious tone.*

*Eleanor swallows a chuckle then looks to her side at the Doombringer* “Can you carry her? I will take the rascal..”

*Big green eyes look to the stranger, and before he can give his answer the mute girl stretches her arms to him. Eleanor brow quirks slightly at her sister.*

*The tall man wears a strange frown at the proposition, but he holds his tongue and nods without a word, taking the small girl from the young Squire. He is very gentle, and clearly takes much care not to harm her with his cold mithral armor, ridged and spiked in places as it is. As he walks he strokes the back of Chrissy’s head in a calming fashion, tousling her hair.*

*The family divides their belongings between themselves, somehow most of them still ends up with the older twin. Thomas sighs, looking ruefully at the bunch with a small, stiff shake of his head.*

“It’s not far from here. Keep together, it’s easier to get lost down these winding streets than it appears.” *While it seems the years have taken its toll on Sveta’s mother, Aimee, grey hairs begging to take over from her auburn hair, her voice remains cheery, sweet. It is evident Sveta’s strong jawline comes from her father’s side.* “Sveta did not write of any illness, you must be all exhausted after such a journey. It won’t do you any good, you need bedrest.” *Her motherly nature shows through as she continues to lead them north along the row housing which is predominantly stone craft of high standard now, they turn down a sidestreet deviating from the busy main street finally coming to a stop before the middle-class abode. The number 35 above the door the most distinguishing feature separating it from the houses alongside it.* “And here we are. I wasn’t expecting you all so soon, but not everything can go according plan. Come, come. I’ll have something fixed up for your sickness.”

“Take your shoes off before coming inside.” *The door opens to slender home, walls lined with paintings of family and decorations. While it may seem a tad cluttered in the tight hallway everything seems in order. Aimee leads them into the kitchen, glancing over to the others speaking* “Make yourselves at home.” *The woman disappears into the pantry a brief moment retrieving a pot of honey and lemons, setting a kettle of water to boil.* “Sveta said you would not be expected for a few tenday yet, but that is no worry. Speaking of her, where is my daughter?”

*While her siblings set themselves around the table, looking about the house with a mixture of curiosity and anxiety on their faces, Ellie’s eyes level on Mrs. Chroster, her expression a perfect mask of respect and composure.*

“She couldn’t come. She is not ready to face her step-father I believe. At least that was my understanding of the matter. We didn’t have time to speak about it as the proposal of teleporting us here came suddenly.” *Eleanor’s voice remain level and polite as she gestures towards the silent man at her side.*

*Aimee’s head shakes slightly to herself with some amusement hearing of the excuse as she stirs the honey and lemon juice into cups of boiling water*

“And having in mind the situation on the coast and the recent sightings of undead in the vicinity of my home village we decided to take immediate action and bring my siblings here at a moment’s notice.” *The young squire glances briefly to her siblings already seated at the table, before she looks back to Aime, her expression serious.* “I am sorry for any inconvenience that may cause you and your family. I didn’t have much choice really. That being said I am also truly grateful for your family’s help regarding my siblings. Securing their future has always been one of the most important responsibilities of mine.” *Eleanor bows her head low.*

“As I said my dear it is no worry. Sveta writes quite highly of you. I’m glad we finally have the chance to meet.” *Aimee offers a steaming cup to each of the children with a fond smile, perhaps reminiscing some in their sight.* “Be careful, its hot.”

*Well mannered and still a bit nervous and overwhelmed by all this bunch dips their heads murmuring shy thanks. It is painfully obvious that their table manners are lacking. Adam blows at his cup and slurps its contents loudly with a smile. Then his attention wanders to the Doombringer’s armor parts.*

*Aimee finally sets herself down into a seat for herself, posture straight but her demeanor friendly.* “It will take a few days to sort out the details with the school. Convenient in a sense since it will allow you all to rest up a few days and get to know the city. I’ll have Edward bring over some bedrolls from the company's storage, you’ll be able to stay here the night unless you had other plans.”

*Ellie turns the mug in her hands looking Cromis’ way, taking note of her younger brother slow progress in getting closer to the armored man then she looks back to the lady of the house.* “We do have to leave tomorrow. We both have duties to attend to at the Gate.”

*As the young boy slowly encroaches upon the Doombringer, the man looks down at the boy with a cold stare of disapproval. Despite the look, the boy continues and begins to poke at his bracer. Cromis’ mouth draws tight and disappears in his beard, which only makes the small boy giggle. Muttering obscenities under his breath in a foreign tongue, he slowly moves his hand over his armor, stripping off the sharper, dangerous pieces. He sets his bladed vambrace and spiked pauldron on the table with the points away from the children.* “What’re ye about, Adam?” *The Doombringer asks gruffly. Getting only a squeal in response, he relents and offers a faint smile to the boy. He picks up the vambrace and brings it closer for the boy to see, being careful not to let him harm himself, and shows the swirling patterns of the elven-forged mithral, scattering the firelight like a fine gem.*

*They go on to talk for the next hour making introductions between them all, speaking of Waterdeep but shying away from the subject of the school unless brought up by the children. As they settle for a moment Aimee calls Eleanor aside, leaving the Doombringer alone to deal with the young ones. Eleanor flashes her mentor an amused grin before leaving with the lady of the house. At this point Adam and Thomas focus their attention on the cleric, younger boy poking at one of the armor parts clearly very intrigued.*

*She leads the Squire up the stairs in the hallway, opening a door to a modest sized bedroom given the compactness of the rest of the house.* “This was Sveta’s room. She moved out many years ago now, even while still in Waterdeep, but I like to keep it as she left it in memory. Always something to prove that girl. In her youth, it was her independence. Now…” *Aimee falls silent as she makes her way to take a seat upon the edge of the double bed much like how Eleanor has seen Sveta do herself whenever she had something personal, or important to speak to her.* “Now, well, that's something she thinks she hides well.”

*Notably in the room there is a painting which has been damaged with a tear through one side, but repaired. It depicts a couple in dance, the male standing tall and noble in his navy suit decorated in militaristic medals and honors, his chin held with pride before his partner. The rich auburn hair of that partner is distinctive, cascading down the back of her silvery dress. It would take a moment, due to the lean slenderness of the woman to recognize her as Sveta. In her late teens it seems Sveta held quite the feminine grace. *

*The young woman studies the painting for a moment, nodding slowly as if placing the information aside. Careful heterochromatic eyes fall to Sveta’s mother searching the other woman’s face*

“Tell me, is she well? Does she seem happy?” *Aimee speaks gazing distantly at the portrait.*


*Eleanor’s fingers run through the loose strands of hair that frame her face* “I can only tell you so much without invading my mentor’s privacy Mrs Chroster. She has been trying to find her place in the world and I guess she has achieved that with Everwatch and all the connections and friendships she has built with people in the Gates.” *The girl falls silent, her eyes drawn to the portrait. A flicker of some more complex emotion than what she has let herself show crosses her features briefly.* “I think she has still a long way till the point when she will be in balance and peace with herself but she is getting there. And she is not alone in that journey.”

*A gentle smile forms on the olden ladies features, finally pulling her gaze from the painting to look at the squire* “Eleanor, my husband and I have been talking. It is time that we finally let go of trying to hold onto Sveta here. When Sveta was young she had trouble adjusting to living in the city, she was about Christina’s age when we moved into here. She had trouble sleeping at night, but in time she came to like gazing out from her window and watching the people walk by.” *Her hands join in the lap of her dress as her eyes rest on the Squire’s features* “Eleanor, I do not wish to split your family further apart. But we would be able to take on Christina and Adam here in Sveta’s old room. I do feel the younger ones will have an easier time adjusting here. While we cannot take on the older two they will be able to visit, and stay for dinner as they like.” *She falls silent, allowing Eleanor to think it over and consider her response.*

*The girl tilts her head slightly* “I thought we would just place the younger four in the school and the twins here till they find themselves a job. But I suppose I can rent them a room even today at some inn..” *Ellie rubs her forehead in thought.* “I still want Adam and Chrissie get the education I never had a chance to have. It’s their best shot at achieving anything in life.”

“That may work better, keeping the four young ones together and the twins staying here.”
*She rises up from her seat making her way to the set of drawers as she speaks* “I just hold concerns that Christina will have trouble adjusting, but I will be sure to visit them often at the school. Perhaps at the end of the tenday we could all have a roast here, together.” *She opens the draw retrieving a small metal pin, returning to Eleanor she offers the pin to her* “If this room is no longer to be Sveta this cannot remain here. Return it to her. Tell her that she cannot keep hiding from it.” *The pin is a silvery metal star over a golden shield with silver banner at the bottom reading ‘Bravery’*

*Ellie nods with a small satisfactory smile, taking the pin gently* “That’s sounds like a solid plan. Here is fifteen bags of gold. For the school and any other expenses” *The young woman retrieves a hefty pouch filled with coin* “I will provide more once it is needed.”

*The next morning would be filled with teary goodbyes, laughter and hope for the better. Eleanor would hold each of her sibling close for a moment, murmuring softly words filled with love and encouragement. Her solid composure and measured voice would crack ever so slightly once when it came to letting go of Chrissie’s whose arms wrapped tightly around Ellie’s neck. Eleanor would bury her face in her sister’s hair before letting her go, with a gentle smile.*

_________________
Doombringer Tegeus Cromis

Cleric of Hoar and Mentor to Squire Eleanor [Biography] [Theme]

"To live and let live is to die and forgive." [Journal]


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 Post subject: Re: Eleanor - The path to Knighthood
Unread postPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2015 7:25 pm 
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Thoughts

28-29th Mirtul 1351, Waterdeep


Sveta's house. I'm having a peculiar feeling. I wish she was here to handle the talking, I'd feel more at ease. I'm not sure about the impressions we, well mostly them, made on Chrosters. I know I taught them well enough for the standards they knew, but this life? And given that this is by far the biggest change in their lives.

I'm grateful that Tegeus teleported us, not only did it save me coin and time, but I will be able to wrap this all much quicker than I have anticipated. And even more I wanted him to see this, if only to take his mind off the horrifying possibility hanging low in the air. As I busy myself with the arrangements regarding the kids' school needs I catch myself thinking back to what he has told me. Now I understand.. And even with all the hope and optimism I can muster the chance of confirming the facts seems so... Gods. All this guilt, blame, fear and now this. I fail to see any sense in this. And I wish I could share my hope with him, but I when I think it can be stronger than pain and fear, he proves me wrong.

I try to look towards the tomorrow, focus on the fact that I have somehow secured their most imminent future. It takes a great weight off my chest.


30th Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate


Trying to read through all those pages is a tiring task, but at least it brings some understanding. I also wrapped most of had to be taken care off before the inevitable. Given the rate of her deterioration it won't be long. I hope to see her after the funeral of Lem and his people happens.


31st Mirtul 1351, Baldur's Gate

This whole business with Uriel is making me cringe. I wish I could just smack them all across their thick skulls.. Because talking some sense into the Hunters is at times an impossible task. I think I share Cara's view on that. And from what I have seen men are sometimes unable to see the bigger picture. And right now my patience is wearing thin due to many other little things... As for the blue boy, something about him makes me wary.

Lem's funeral took place.
I guess that means that I have to leave soon to get other things done.


1st Kythorn 1351, Wayfork Village

I still had the parchment from Cara and this time I actually got to use it. I made sure nothing can interrupt their peace. I faced my father and I can still hear him yelling. Some things never change.
I've seen undead. Time is running short the village must be evacuated soon.


2nd Kythorn 1351, Baldur's Gate

First refugees from home came to the Gates. The rest left for Daggerford so I sent word to Robbie. Ameris agreed they should be placed within the temple for now but he asked me to find resources for them. I just spent 15bags on my siblings' school and related needs, so how am I suppose to gather reasonable amount of coin in such a short window of time? At the top of that I need to find Charraj and ask him if he could teleport those who stayed behind.
I really don't want to bring that animal, my father, neither here nor close to the kids, which leaves me with little time to figure out what to do with him, if he is alive that is.



***********************************


Bits and pieces

*Loose notes here and there*

I pray to the Triad for his mentor to be wrong or even if he is not.. For a solution different than the one mentioned...
This is not going to end well if things go south. Gods, who am I kidding, no matter the outcome this is not going to end well for him. And I can't do more than stand by him and help in whatever way I can... At the end of the day it will never be enough.
Priestess of Shar of all the evil in this world. That is one cruel joke. I fear for him.. What if Cylla is really what his mentor says she is.. To watch your own child become that...
I'm trying to remember that no one is past the point of redemption till we actually try to bring them back and fail.
And yet I can feel the darkness creeping in.


***


I was with Granny during her last hours, I told her about the kids, about their secured future and new life in a big city. About what I hope for them to achieve. That made her smile faintly during those few lucid moments. I wish she had more years with them, but it wasn't given. I stroked her cheek while she took her last shallow breaths. She died peacefully and I buried her next to my mother and great-grandmother. Three generations of women.

***

I taste the words on my tongue and I feel the rage boiling just underneath my skin. I watched him go. If it wasn't for the sheer shock he sent through me with that simple statement...
Why? I seem to fail at grasping what is making him so damn terrified that he is willing to leave everything and everyone behind.

What have I done that made him decide this?

What is that he is running away from? What is that he thinks he protects me or himself from? Loss? Pain? Disappointment? Darkness?
Has he not yet learned that one can't avoid it?
No matter how far he runs.... No matter how hard he tries to be alone it's just not how it works. We are never really alone. There are always people and causes to whom and which we connect to on many different levels.
Has he not yet noticed that I can handle more than he gives me credit for?


I can't make him see it.
I can't make him understand it.
I can't stop him from repeating the pattern of blame, fear, punishment and running.
I can't stop him from leaving.
I can't make him want to stay.



*
    Quick retreating
    So stuck in these feelings
    I'm taking the beating
    It won't let me go

    I'm scared 'cause the past
    Keeps pulling me back
    Distorting the future
    It's holding me close
    It loves me the most
    It's tearing the sutures

    It won't let me heal
    It tells us what's real
    There is no truth there
    My vision's gone black
    I'm scared 'cause the past
    Keeps pulling me

    Seems I forgot
    Which way I was going
    Echoed mistakes
    Repeating again


**

    Come a long way
    Not to work it out
    As cold comfort
    wraps around you in the dark

    Come a long way
    not to ask the question that’s been on your lips all the way
    Spit it out
    The words come out, yeah
    it’s already
    not as heavy as before

    Come a long way
    Just to say
    Doesn’t matter when it mattered yesterday
    And tomorrow ain’t too far
    Come a long way
    From small beginnings

    From small beginnings
    Come big endings


I can only say what is left to say. And it isn't much.
And what if it turns to not be enough?




OOC: Pieces of the songs by Fink and Digital Daggers

_________________
Yas Sharra - She-wolf. Her dirty paws and furry coat. More animal than anything else.
✵Journal✵

Eleanor - Sum of Exes: Ex-Paladin, Ex-Squire, Ex-Leader
Formerly: Squire to Head Watchknight Sveta Asperan, student to Doombringer Tegeus Cromis, Leader of Hunters of Vengeance
✵Journal✵ & ✵Bio✵


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